


Strength and Weakness

by Birdie_Anne



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 23:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1024457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdie_Anne/pseuds/Birdie_Anne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers is out of place. He knows it, the rest of the Avengers know it, and so does SHIELD.</p><p>Three months after the battle of Manhattan, they decide to do something about it - they send him Agent Emily Willett, from Agent Integration, with a mandate: brief Captain America for whatever SHIELD might need him for. </p><p>Emily, however, knows that he needs more. He needs information about how to make a life in the 21st century, not just live. So, she offers him a choice: just get SHIELD's briefings, or get a real backstory - a real chance to be someone in the 21st century. What follows is an adventure that changes both their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set immediately following Avengers, ignoring all of Phase 2. 
> 
> Thank you to my betas Lindsay and Nicole. All mistakes are my own, since I couldn't stop messing with my draft. Also, thank you to Kelly, Sheena, Shannon and my other cheerleaders for all the encouragement along the way. 
> 
> Special thanks to my artist, supersyncspaz7, for her great work!
> 
> And finally, thank you to the mods of the Marvel Big Bang 2013 challenge - I appreciate all the work you've put into it!

Steve sat, meditating the view outside the tower.

Three months ago, it had been the scene of utter devastation. Now, it was still a work in progress, but they had come a long way.

Rebuilding the Avengers was taking slightly longer. After Thor had taken Loki back to Asgard, the remaining Avengers had taken a moment for a quiet memorial for Agent Coulson, and then discretely dispersed. Hawkeye and the Black Widow had disappeared as soon as they had been given the all clear; three weeks ago, they had reappeared and surreptitiously moved into the Tower.

Tony had offered a place at Stark Tower, nicknamed “Avengers Tower” by the media, but most often called “the Tower” by its inhabitants, to both Bruce and Steve. Bruce had demanded someplace safe for the Hulk, and after a night of fighting over the details, he had accepted. Steve had considered getting his own place, but after seeing the real estate listings for apartments in Brooklyn, he reconsidered. They were still too bewildering, too much evidence of how things had changed. Of how much he still needed to adjust to. Staying with Tony, ironically, seemed like the safe choice, for now.

Tony, meanwhile, had a new blueprint for the top of the Tower in days. Heroes needed somewhere to sleep, after all. For a while, they’d had to live in just part of the Tower, but by the time everyone had moved in, it was finished and luxurious. Heck, even the temporary quarters had been larger than anything Steve had ever called his own.

He drummed the pencil in his hand against his thigh. He was waiting for the agent who was supposed to begin his official SHIELD briefings to arrive. Agent Willett had contacted him a few days ago, and once he’d agreed that he needed the updating, Pepper contacted him to arrange a space for them to work in. He wasn’t sure if it was wise to invite a SHIELD agent into his home, but it seemed less dangerous than going to SHIELD’s NY offices once a day.

He’d even made sure that she wasn’t on Tony’s Persona Non Grata list. There had been a discussion weeks before about Tony’s attitude towards SHIELD agents – in that they weren't allowed in his tower. Bruce had finally convinced him to create the list, for those agents who had personally offended Tony (read: All the ones he had met so far).

The elevator opened, and he stood, turning to look at the newcomer. A short woman, with shoulder length honey-brown hair and the black-suited crispness of a SHIELD agent on business stood, surveying the scene.

~~

The man at the desk downstairs had been less than welcoming. She’d known to expect that, given Mr. Stark’s reputation for despising SHIELD agents on sight. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t there for him. Still, she was finally on her way up, her ears popping twice before the doors opened to the impressive view.

A chunk of the Battle of Manhattan had happened here. It was all fixed – probably had been when there hadn't been enough glass in 500 miles to fix all of Midtown. The space itself was impressive – not nearly as impressive as the man standing waiting for her.  
She hadn’t expected him to be so…tall. The moment seemed to stretch infinitely and then she blinked, pulling herself together.

She walked over and extended her hand. “Captain Rogers, I’m Agent Emily Willett. I've been assigned by SHIELD to be your liaison for the foreseeable future.”

He seemed slightly surprised. “You’re Agent Willett?”

“I am. From Agent Integration. I’m glad we’re able to get started so soon.”

He frowned slightly. “What exactly are we starting? Your emails weren't exactly clear.”

“Let’s find the room Pepper set aside first, yeah?”

He nodded and directed her toward a door down a short hallway. The windowless, rectangular room had a large TV monitor taking up most of one wall, a couch facing it, and chairs and a table nearby. There was a small but very complicated looking coffee machine on the counter, with cups and various supplies.

“Coffee?” She asked.

He shook his head. “Can we just get down to it?”

“Would it help if I promised that I’m not here to make you do anything you don’t want to?”

“It might. Natasha says I should believe you.” His voice was hard.

“I’m glad she endorses me.”

“She says your skills were valuable to her.” He sat at the table as she put her cup of coffee down. “I’m wondering what your skills were that were valuable to a master assassin.”

She laughed a little. “Captain Rogers, I’m in Agent Integration. Natasha Romanoff came in after being unconventionally recruited by Agent Barton. Hers was one of the first cases I worked on. I was just a student then, but she needed a woman to work with her, and there wasn’t another available.” She took a sip of the coffee and made an approving face. Clearly, someone knew what they were doing when they stocked the room.

“I’m still not sure how I feel about this.” He said.

“Well, let me explain fully, and we’ll see what you think then?”

He nodded.

“SHIELD seems to still be deciding the exact role of the Avengers as a whole. While you’re not technically a SHIELD agent, they wanted to offer you a resource to prepare you. For whatever might come next. Historical briefings, both classified and not. General history, as your interests dictate and I deem fitting. Introduction to modern technology, classified and normal.” She held his gaze.

“That’s it?”

“There can be more, if you want.”

“What?”

“I can give you an alias, and a back-story. Eventually, people might know the story of Captain America, but even after that, your face might be relatively unknown. Imagine being able to interact with people, without everyone needing to have a security clearance.”

He shifted in his seat. “How’s that different than the briefings?” He asked.

“Do you remember stuff from the twenties? From before the Depression?”

“Vaguely. Certain things.”

“And I bet there were a lot of things about your individual experience that you might have talked about with your pals that wouldn’t be in, say, a history book.”

“Not unless history books have changed a lot since I was a kid.” He said.

She smiled. “They probably have. But it still wouldn’t be the same.” She shifted a little in her seat. “If this works right, I’m hoping Steve Rogers will get a little bit of a life outside SHIELD and this Tower. As much as I can give you.”  
“SHIELD hasn’t been that interested in doing me any favors.” He looked at her, his gaze penetrating.

“SHIELD may not be. But I am, and they’ve given me enough leeway that I can do this. Or we can forget it, and we can stick to the SHIELD parameters.”

“How would it change things?”

“The current schedule is three sessions a day. Two for SHIELD – the general history and briefings. The third is for you – catching you up on technology and, in this case, giving you a back-story and a better understanding of modern life. As often as we are both available – generally up to three times a week. You might be gone sometimes, and I have two other integration cases that I’m working on.”

“For how long? For the whole thing?”

“Several months. Up to six, I think. Depending on how it goes. And we can start now, if you’re ready. First few lessons are a crash course in modern technology. Enough so we can use it for the rest of the things we need to do.”  
“I’ve figured out some things on my own. SHIELD gave me a credit card.”

“We’re hoping for something a little more complicated than that. But we’ll get there.” She pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. “Take a few minutes, and write down all the things that you’d like to work on, or just things that frustrate you. Divide them up into categories – technology, interpersonal, cultural references, and other. We’ll do some work with that in the next session.” She stood from the table. “I’ll leave you to do that while I go to set up the next thing, okay?”

He nodded, looking determinedly at the blank sheet and tapping the pencil on the table.

Fifteen minutes later, he handed her an almost totally full piece of paper. “I think…there are more things that I needed to talk about than I expected.”

She smiled gently. “Happens to the best of us.” She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the large couch in front of the even larger screen. “Take a seat. We’re going to use the TV now. Or really, the truly enormous monitor.”

“I’ve noticed that – people seem to call it different things based on what the output is – but they look the same to me.” He looked at her on the floor, and then at the couch she was leaning on. He sat on the couch.

“You missed the tube TVs, that’s why. They were really different from computer monitors – and preceded them by like thirty years.” She pulled up a picture of one on the large monitor. “Cathode ray tubes – they were the standard until relatively recently. Like, probably until I was out of college. Some of the things you’re getting used to are the same kinds of things that a lot of us are also adjusting to.”

Putting the wireless keyboard on the coffee table, she sat on the couch opposite him, facing him bodily. Close up, he was just as big as she had first understood him to be. And she liked the look of his face. At least this would be one assignment that wasn’t hard on the eyes. “I’m basically your apparent physical age. That’s at least part of why I was chosen for this particular assignment.”

“I’m assuming your previous work with Natasha was part of the decision as well.”

“Among other Avengers. So, the point of this part is to help you understand some of the potential of what we have.”

“I’m not sure I understand – I’ve seen a lot of stuff. I don’t think you can beat the helicarrier.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I probably can’t. You’re right on that one. I was thinking something a little more personally appealing.” She pulled up a square, black and white news clip.

“How long did they keep using black and white?” he asked, looking at the man on the screen.

“A long time. It wasn’t until the early 70s when sales of color televisions outpaced color sets. Television broadcasts switched over before then, but a lot of people didn’t want to buy the more expensive sets.”

“And movies?”

“Into the 60s. But there were a lot of color films before then.”

He nodded, a little crease appearing between his eyes. “Who is that guy? I feel like I recognize him.”

“Yeah? Good. So, when I was about 7 years old, I saw this for the first time on someone’s computer. I’d seen it on television and videos any number of times, but this was different. It was tiny – maybe two inches by three inches – but it was historic footage on a computer screen. And it was like seeing the future. Even for someone growing up in SHIELD.”

“You grew up with SHIELD?”

“Yeah.” In lieu of further conversation, she pushed the play button. The man started speaking in an accent Steve immediately recognized. “Boston!”

She laughed. “Yeah, he’s from Boston.”

 

>   
>  “We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.
> 
> It is for these reasons that I regard the decision last year to shift our efforts in space from low to high gear as among the most important decisions that will be made during my incumbency in the office of the Presidency.
> 
> In the last 24 hours we have seen facilities now being created for the greatest and most complex exploration in man's history. We have felt the ground shake and the air shattered by the testing of a Saturn C-1 booster rocket, many times as powerful as the Atlas which launched John Glenn, generating power equivalent to 10,000 automobiles with their accelerators on the floor. We have seen the site where the F-1 rocket engines, each one as powerful as all eight engines of the Saturn combined, will be clustered together to make the advanced Saturn missile, assembled in a new building to be built at Cape Canaveral as tall as a 48 story structure, as wide as a city block, and as long as two lengths of this field.”  
> 

The movie faded into darkness.

“He was president?” Steve asked, a slightly far away look in his eyes.

“President John F. Kennedy, Junior. Our first Catholic president. He was in office from 1961 to 1963.”

“They made a Catholic president?” he looked surprised.

“It was controversial even up until the time he was elected.”

He nodded sagely. “And he wasn’t in office for four years.”

She shook her head. “Assassinated. Not for being Catholic, though. The sixties were incredibly volatile. There was a rash of political assassinations, including President Kennedy’s brother shortly after.” She pulled up the second video clip. It was again in black and white, of a man at a podium. This time it was an African American gentleman. She pressed play.

 

>   
>  I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed - we hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.
> 
> I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave-owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.
> 
> I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
> 
> I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.
> 
> I have a dream today!
> 
> I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama little black boys and little black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
> 
> I have a dream today!
> 
> I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.  
>  This is our hope. This is the faith that I will go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”

He stayed still for a moment, the crease between his eyes yet more pronounced. “He was assassinated too, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah. There are a lot of theories that he knew what was going to happen.” She pulled up another video. “This is the end of his last speech.”

 

>   
>  And then I got to Memphis. And some began to say the threats, or talk about the threats that were out. What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers? ... Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't really matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live - a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. So I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.”

“He was assassinated the next day.” Emily said, her voice quiet.

“Wow.” His eyes were wide for a moment. He looked at her. “Why show me this?”

“A lot of what’s happened in the last seventy years borders on tragedy. These two men, with their noble ideas, with families, cut down in the prime of their lives. But they left good things. Things that are still inspiring. Partially because we’re still dealing with the same issues, but partially because that kind of belief is often inspiring in its own right.” She sighed a little, breaking into a wry smile. “Anyway, the point of this wasn’t the civics lesson. Words are powerful, but this lesson is also about the medium. In the sixties, television was still gaining strength. You couldn’t record anything at home. The technology that allows me to play it for you, on demand? Means that we have better access to their words forty years after they said them than nearly anyone alive at the time they were being said.” She stood, leading him back to the little table in the room. Her coffee was cold now, but she’d deal with that later.

“I know it’s really new to you, but it’s still really new to us – to the world as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, we’re adapting fast. But it’s all new.” She sat at a chair at the table. He sat a across from her.

“If you’re adapting still – then I’m just catching up. Not totally starting from scratch.” He said.

“You still have a better understanding of life on the ground than say, Thor, who is an actual alien.”

“Have you met him yet?” He asked.

She shook her head. “Not yet. Not anticipating it, either, unless he decides to crash our lessons.” She replied with a smile.

“Unlikely.”

“Anyway, the technology thing has a lot to do with the intersection between Steve, that is, someone your apparent age, and Captain America. Steve would have experienced certain things in person, and learned the rest of them in school or in his free time. Captain America needs a much more thorough briefing on a much more limited range of topics. Steve might talk about seeing those clips on a computer screen for the first time, like I just did, or about how inspiring you found them, or some interesting tidbits about the space race. For Captain America, there’s a lot more about racial tension and foreign policy with Russia that would be interesting. The Cold War happened while you were sleeping, and Steve would barely remember it. Meanwhile, Captain America needs to understand the implications.”

“Are we really going to be able to do this in six months?”

“There’s a lot to learn. But you should find that it’s easier than the last time – those assessment tests seem to indicate that you’re kind of a genius.”

He looked at her. “Really?”

“I mean, we’ll see what happens in practice.” She broke into a sly grin. “But yes, really. And a lot of the stuff will be easy to keep separate – the stuff for ‘Steve’ is more experiential, while the stuff for Captain America has to be a little more cut and dry.”  
He looked a little overwhelmed. “Think of it this way: time is a distance. It’s a little like you’re from a foreign country – it just happens to look vaguely similar to this one. A country called the 1940s. And you’re separated by more than an ocean.”

“I…I actually think that helps.” His shoulders relaxed a little bit.

“Good, I’m glad. I’ll look your list over and we’ll get started with this stuff first, okay?”

He nodded. “It might be a little haphazard.”

“It’s better that way – too edited and I lose the sense of what came to you first when I asked.”

“Are you a shrink?” He asked, looking up from the table.

“Clinical psychologist. Did they already call them shrinks in the forties?”

“I don’t think so. Picked it up from Tony, I think.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” She paused. “I can’t prescribe you medication. Even if we thought it would work on you, given your unique physiology. If I think you need more than me, I can refer you on to someone else. But I think we’ll do okay the two of us.” She smiled at him, reassuringly.

He smiled back.

 

Credits: President John F. Kennedy Jr., & the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.


	2. Chapter 2

_VIDEO RECORDING. FILE ENCRYPTION LEVEL SEVEN. UNAUTHORIZED USE PROHIBITED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT OF THE LAW, INCLUDING TREASON._

_“How’re things going?” Dr. Willett sat at the table, handing Steve a cup of black coffee. He took a sip, his shoulders sagging slightly._

_“I’m doing all right.” He shifted in his seat._

_“Tell me about your day yesterday.”_

_“Not much to tell.” His voice was gruff._

_“That’s not exactly how it seemed yesterday.” She leaned towards him._

_“Well, it’s not yesterday.” He leaned away from the table._

_“I understand that. So, I’ll tell you what I know, and you fill in the details, okay?”_

_He nodded, his eyes still on the table._

_“Three months ago, give or take, you were revived out of a frozen coma. Just a little while after that, you were recruited to fight crazy space aliens with a group of other people and/or aliens with special abilities. After two months of not being totally sure what to do, SHIELD finally assigned you to our department. About a month ago, we started our sessions. Yesterday, SHIELD asked if you’d formally go on active duty again as Captain America. You had a negative reaction that most people within the five-borough area heard or saw at least part of. Despite that, today you are trying to be the perfect soldier again.”_

_“What do you expect me to say to you?” His tone was sharp, although his voice remained quiet._

_“I’m sorry?”_

_“You talk about SHIELD as though you’re separate from them, but your little recap put it perfectly. You are a department of SHIELD. The ones who assigned me again. Or are attempting to.”_

_“You also know, I hope, that I don’t deal with any of that stuff.”_

_“No? None of our little talks have any bearing on their decisions?” His voice dripped with sarcasm._

_“As much as it was to their detriment, they didn’t ask me. But if they had, I still can’t say anything unless I think you’re an immediate threat to yourself or others. Which you aren’t.”_

_He looked at her sharply. “How do you know?”_

_She stilled, looking at him. “Are you a danger to yourself or others?”_

_He looked back down at the table. “Sometimes I think I could be.”_

_“Everyone can be, in the right situation.”_

_“Even SHIELD agents?” His voice had a hard edge._

_“Especially SHIELD agents.” She paused. “What are you going to do?”_

_“They need me a lot more than I need them. At least, in terms of going on missions. Tony is wholly independent of them, and, more than that, I could get by if I needed to without them.”_

_“You absolutely could – what are you going to do?”_

_“I’m not sure – I’m wiling to serve, to do missions. I’m not willing to be ordered around, not anymore. I don’t owe them anything.” He looked at her. “Do I?”_

_“Not for me. I was assigned to you before they wanted you on active duty. I’m not part of any package deal. They know how this works.”_

_“Good.” He looked at her again, his eyes still sharp. “I didn’t want you to be part of that.”_

_“I’m glad.”_

~~

(Three weeks later)

Steve’s case had been interesting from the get-go, but she found herself liking him as a person more and more. Almost everyone she worked with was there because of something beyond his or her control, but rarely had she worked with someone who was dealing with so much after making such a noble sacrifice. He had gone down with that ship believing he would die, and now, given a second chance at life, he had to relearn how to live. 

In truth, the sessions with him were sometimes the best part of her day, even if they were difficult. 

He walked in, plopping a pile of papers and his StarkPad on their worktable. So far, he’d been pretty capable of learning how to use the thing, but he liked printouts. Further, SHIELD liked printouts, particularly around Tony Stark. 

“Tony wants you to come to the Labor Day barbecue.” 

“He does? I wasn’t aware he knew of my existence past that I used space in his tower.”

“He wondered why I started using my StarkPad. And I explained. He invited you to the party. It’s on Cape Cod, so he’s flying us there.” Steve looked a little put out.

“Cape Cod? Did he rent something?”

“Rent something, buy something. You can never really tell with Tony.” He smiled a little. “He said he wants to meet you.”

“Well, I suppose we can’t disappoint Iron Man.” She replied with a laugh.

~~

(A week later)

The StarkJet was everything it claimed to be. Beautiful, sleek, expensive – and full of the Avengers. Most of whom she hadn’t met yet. 

“Emily!” Natasha greeted her with a note of surprise in her voice. “Tony said he’d invited the “Captain’s babysitter. I think his understanding of what you do is lacking.”

“Quite probably. But unless Steve has an arrangement with someone else that I’m unaware of, Tony was talking about me.”

Natasha gestured to the seat across from her, and Emily started putting the small bag she’d brought with in the overhead compartment. As she sat, Clint arrived, looking a little uncomfortable with the situation.

"Agent Willett!” He said. “I mean, Emily.” He swallowed. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too.”

Natasha looked mildly amused at the exchange. “Emily was invited as Steve’s guest.” 

“Oh, of course.” He grunted, sitting in the seat next to Natasha. 

Steve stopped in the door of the airplane, looking like maybe he’d never seen anything like it. It seemed that he also hadn’t ridden in the StarkJet yet. He spotted the three of them and headed over to sit down.

“Is everything Tony owns like this?” Steve asked, looking at Natasha.

“I think so. Only the top of the line – or, in most cases, totally custom for him.”

He sat in the open seat next to Emily. “Do we know how long the flight is?”

“With taxing, takeoff and everything, just about an hour.” Emily replied. 

~~

They arrived as the party was getting into a groove, and it was spectacular in the way that Stark functions were. Most of the higher-level employees in Stark Tower were there, and Pepper had planned it perfectly: a buffet that could feed Thor, Steve, and all the rest, plus games and activities that were Thor and Steve appropriate. Plus, enough quiet spaces that Dr. Banner, or anyone else, could retreat for a moment. 

Emily mingled and mixed with the other staff, using the cover story of working in Stark Enterprise’s archives if anyone asked too many questions. It was a line of work that didn’t prompt a lot of questioning. 

Steve sidled up to her during a trip to the sundae bar. He had been mixing with what Emily called “white coat crowd” just before.

“I think I’m being hit on by one of Jane’s lab assistants.” He said, his voice tight. He filled his bowl with ice cream, as though they were just making casual conversation. They had planned this kind of thing for a situation where he felt uncomfortable. 

“Interested?"

“No. And polite doesn’t seem to be doing it.”

“Well, getting yourself away from her was a good start.” She glanced over in the direction he came from. “Is she the one with the red hair in a ponytail?”

“Yeah.”

“Figures. She’s watching pretty closely; seems like you might be able to get your message across anyway.” She drizzled caramel sauce on her chocolate ice cream. Steve was placing two kinds of sprinkles on a generous helping of ice cream. They’d already established his massive sweet tooth. She glanced around the assemblage again. “Anyone you do want to get to know better?”

“There was one girl. She came and said hello while I was eating with Bruce. I didn’t catch her name though.” He paused, adding a small dollop of whipped cream. “Might be awkward – I think she might also be one of Jane’s assistants.”

“Describe where she is to me.” 

He looked up, spotting her, and then waved the spoon of gummy bears he was adding to his concoction in her direction, like they were discussing something else. “She’s the one talking to Jane right now. Brown hair, curly. Short skirt.”

“Okay, that’s Darcy. She’s Bruce and Jane’s Personal Assistant, so she works in the same office as red haired ponytail.”

“Wait, so you’re the one giving Captain Patriotism social etiquette and twitter lessons?” Tony Stark’s voice interrupted them from behind. He held a place of cake from the cake table at least twenty feet away.

“I am. You’re Tony Stark.”

“And you’re Agent Willet. Do you also not have a first name?” Emily glanced at Steve, not catching the reference. He shook his head as he rolled his eyes.

“First name is Emily. Assistant Director of Agent Integration. Or, according to what you told Natasha, his babysitter?” She smiled. “He’s not so hard to teach. And your UI is pretty easy to grasp.”

“Well, any agent that can teach Steve how to use his StarkPad and get him to use it is a hero in my book.”

She laughed. “Thanks Tony. See you around. I got some people I want Steve to introduce me to.” She chose a table nearest to Darcy, to see if Steve could get her number before they went back to the city. He did. 

~~

(Three days later)

“Tony, what did you do?!” 

An angry female voice rang out in the lower level of Tony’s labs. Steve stopped in his tracks. He’d been hoping to find Tony to make sure he’d read the latest mission briefing, but if the yelling was any indication, now might not be the best time.

“I saw an opportunity and took it.” 

“An opportunity? To what, fuck with people?” Steve realized it was Emily’s voice. 

“I made a proposition to Fury. He happened to agree with me.”

“You expect me to believe that he agreed to just have me move into the Tower?”

“You get real results with the Cap. Agent Hill wants him on real missions. I want him to be the best little Cap that he can be.” Tony sounded as defiant as ever. 

Realizing they must be just around the corner, Steve crept forward. Emily was standing facing Tony, her hands on her hips, her cheeks red. He had the sudden urge to draw her, the righteous indignation on her features reminding her of other women he had admired. He committed the image to memory.

“Tony, you ask people. You come to my office, or you come to Steve, or you send me a fucking paper airplane with a note on it. It was working out well. Better than expected. And with SHIELD asking him to do missions, I have a lot on my plate. It makes sense. But you ask. I am a grown up. So are you.”

“I could have. I probably should have.” He looked a little chastened, at least. “But it’s done now. And you can probably take it as a compliment – when I explained what I thought to your higher ups, they jumped at the chance. They think you’re the best thing for the team.” 

“Yeah, well, my concern is Steve and my department. And also my life.”

“Well, living in the Tower should make your life easier, I think.”

“Not unless you can teleport my stuff here.” Her tone was icy. 

“I have guys.”

She looked at him, her face a picture of disbelief. “You have ‘guys’?”

“To move you.”

“When?”

He checked his watch. “They’re scheduled for eleven.”

“And where am I living after that?” She asked, her tone clearly indicating that he hadn’t thought this through. 

He threw a set of keys at her, which she caught. “Two doors down from the Cap. There’s an open set of rooms there. Go take a look, then go home and pack anything you don’t want my guys touching.”

“You just happen to have an open set of rooms?”

“There are at least three sets open at any point. Go check it out, I bet you’ll like them.”

“Tony…I’m still not happy.” 

He shook his head. “I’m still getting used to caring about that kind of thing.”

She laughed. “You’ll get to human at some point, Stark. One of these days.”

Steve took the lull in conversation to make his presence known. “So, Emily’s moving in?”

“You heard? Did Tony tell you already?” She looked accusingly between the two of them.

“I was coming down to talk to Tony about the mission later. Heard you…discussing it.”

“Yeah. Apparently we’re going to be neighbors.” She sounded displeased.

“I heard that. Tony, you didn’t need to intervene.”

Tony had already turned back to his workbench, as though trying to deflect the guilt trip that he knew was coming. “Cap, maybe I didn’t. But I think it’ll be better. And I already got the speech from Emily, so you don’t need to do it. Be useful, and help Emily get her things together.” 

Steve grunted in frustration. Emily looked between the two of them, her shoulders dropping in defeat. “Let’s go check out the digs, Cap. And if there’s anything wrong, I’m holding you responsible Stark. Not too mention if any of my stuff gets messed up.”

“What, you think I hire thugs?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “See you later, Stark.” 

They walked out the room, toward the elevator that would take them to the residential level, where she knew Steve’s apartment was. It was decked out, partially thanks to Stark, in things to make Steve more comfortable.

“He’ll have made it nice for you.” Steve said, glancing over at her. 

“I know.” She was trying not to brood, but it wasn’t working. “He does this. I know. And I think he realizes it’s stupid, that he should just ask. But he did it, put it into motion.”

The doors opened to the residential floor, and she opened the door to her new place. It looked like it had been recently painted (in all her favorite colors). And some of her furniture was already there. 

“JARVIS, get me Tony.”

“What’s up, Agent?”

“My stuff’s already here. Or at least, part of it.” She looked at the living room set up, noting the significant upgrade of the television and sound system.

“Turns out they needed to do your place earlier. The rest will be arriving…” There was a knock on the door behind them. “Now.”

“JARVIS, close the connection.” She paused for a minute. “You’re a lying motherfucker who lies, Stark, and one day, I will get you for it!” She yelled at the thin air. Smoothing back her hair, she shrugged at Steve and opened the door, revealing two movers with dollys filled with boxes, looking at her a little strangely. 

"Agent Willett?”

"Yeah, come on in.”

~~

Two weeks later, Emily was feeling a little better about the whole experiment. Still, it was a little different than she expected. She kept running into various Avengers in various stages of dress and undress in the communal areas. Despite that, she found herself gravitating there, enjoying the random assortment of people she might find. 

For now, though, she was hoping to do some work in peace while eating one of the excellent roast beef sandwiches that catering periodically sent up. The curriculum she was working on with Steve needed some reworking, given that she was living there, and that he was not only going on missions, but starting to do publicity work as well. It seemed that Steve Rogers wasn’t going to get much of a private life anyway. 

_  
(Four days ago)_

_Steve sat down at the table, a coffee in his hand. “They want me to do press stuff.”  
_

_“They?” Emily asked.  
_

_“SHIELD. Director Fury and Agent Hill talked to me this morning.”_

_She looked surprised. “What do you think about that?_

_“I’m not sure.”_

_“We talked about Steve Rogers having a life. That would pretty much end it.”_

_“It would.” He paused. “It’s been leaked.”_

_“What?”_

_“My identity. SHIELD wants to control it. Or maybe someone just figured it out. But my face and my name are on the Internet.”_

_She sighed. “I had hoped that wouldn’t happen.”_

_He sipped his coffee, his forehead creased with concern._

_“Are you okay?” she asked._

_“I don’t want to be a dancing monkey.” He said, the vehemence in his voice surprising her._

_“Like before?” She asked. He glanced over at her. “You know I’ve read your file. I’ve practically memorized it.”_

_“Like before. I don’t want that.”_

_“You’ll still be going on missions.”_

_“But I don’t want to be a mouthpiece for SHIELD – a…a…company man.”_

_“I don’t think SHIELD wants that. At least, that doesn’t sound like them.”_

_He shrugged. “I told them I’d think about it.” He paused. “You know, Tony offered to let me read your file.”_

_She looked up at him, feeling a little anxious. “Did you?”_

_“I…did.”_

_“And?”_

_“When you said you grew up with SHIELD, I didn’t expect that your parents were SHIELD agents too.”_

_“It’s something of the family business.”_

~~

Steve sat at the table across from her, and she absentmindedly passed the plate of sandwich his direction.

“SHIELD decided to make you a test subject now, or something?” She asked, looking over at him as she saved her progress.

He laughed. “No, I actually came to ask a question.” He looked at the table. So many of their interactions were characterized by a little edge of awkwardness, but this was different.

“What’s going on?”

“I wanted to ask your opinion on Darcy.”

“Darcy?” Her heart gave a funny thump. “Have you talked to her since the picnic?” she asked.

“Not really. I’ve seen her a couple times around the labs, but not recently.”

She closed the StarkPad. “Darcy was moved over to Pepper’s office. Tony cowed the last one, and Darcy filled in. And she’s good at it.” She smiled.

“I feel like I should have known that.”

“I think they sent around a memo while you guys were out on the last mission.”

He nodded. “So what do I do?”

“Go downstairs to Pepper’s office. If she’s there, tell her that you heard about her new position, and you’d love to take her to coffee or ice cream to celebrate.”

“Ice cream?”

“You’re known for your sweet tooth, Cap. There’s that great gelato place around the corner. Or one of the eight super fancy cupcake places around here. Anything that’ll feel good to her while you’re with her. And then charm her.”

He looked unsure. “And then what?”

“Depending on how it goes, ask her to dinner in a few days. Tell her you want to keep talking or whatever. If she says no, you gave it a shot. If she says yes, which I’m betting she will judging by the way she smiled at you at the picnic, maybe you have a shot at something good.”

“You make it so simple.”

She looked at him, her eyes serious. “You told me at the session a few days ago that one of the things you’ve learned is that you don’t want to take things for granted. This is one of those things. Being afraid gets you nowhere. You have the joy of the agony of your feelings, but unless one of you does something? You’re just spinning your wheels, and either missing out on something good or wasting your time on something that won’t go anywhere.” She paused. “Plus, it’s way easier when it’s not your own heart.”

He laughed. 

“We’ll talk pointers for dating at our next session. Now, go upstairs and see if she’s there.”

“Now?”

“No time like the present, soldier.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Emily looked up from her StarkPad as Darcy slid into the seat opposite her. She grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, and Emily watched her bite into it, the red on her lips matching the apple ever so well. It was a strange sense of déjà vu – she had passed Steve a roast beef sandwich while they discussed his first move with Darcy just a few weeks ago. 

Closing her notes and smiling to herself, she greeted her visitor.

“Hey Darcy.”

“Hey yourself. Working on something?”

“Just some paperwork for the department, since the team is out on a fieldtrip.” She replied with a smile.

“Some fieldtrip. Dude has eight arms!”

“And none of them are Hulk-proof, I bet. I wonder how awkward eight slings would be.”

Darcy busted out laughing. “See, you seem like the straight-laced agent type, but then you bust out with stuff like that. I think that’s why Steve likes you so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Dude talks about you a lot. He credits being able to be mostly human around me to you.” Emily smiled, standing up to get a cup of tea from the fancy Stark-brand Keurig on the nearby counter. “He says you guys strategize about stuff.” Darcy bit into the apple, looking unconcerned. Emily leaned against the counter, holding her tea in her hands. She paused for a moment. 

“We do, I guess. Although he’s getting better at figuring it out himself.”

“He’s definitely loosening up, that’s for sure. And it’s easier now that I live here.” Darcy replied.

“At least Tony gave you a choice.”

“Pepper told me that she thinks you actually made him think about that. Not that he won’t do it again to someone else, but…” Darcy said, her voice trailing off. 

“I doubt it was me, but it’s nice that Pepper thinks so.”

“Dude, Pepper knows all. If Pepper thinks it was you…it was you.”

Emily smiled, taking a sip of her tea. “Then I will take the compliment.”

“And that’s partially why I’m here.” Darcy replied.

“What?”

“Tony sent me. Or rather, Tony sent me through Pepper. Unofficial channels.” Darcy’s expression was serious.

Emily sat down at the table again, wearing a matching expression. “What’s up?” 

“Tony wants to know if he’s going to mess up Steve with his Halloween party. Like, let’s not re-traumatize way-more-chilled-out Steve unless we have to.” She paused. “And I want to make sure that I won’t do the same.”

“No, a forties-themed Halloween party will not break Steve. He’ll probably think it’s cute. As for you…” she trailed off, until her face lit up. “Oh, you want to talk about sex.”

“I mean, not about sex, but just…Steve and sex.”

Emily looked at her for a moment. “He was a soldier in a war. And toured with a bunch of girls before that. I’m sure he knows about sex.” 

Darcy leaned her head in conspiratorially. “Yeah, but do you think he’s, you know, done it?”

Emily leaned her head down, lowering her voice. “I don’t know. And if I did, I’d still probably tell you to talk to him about it.”

“Jane thinks he’s a virgin.” She said, leaning back in the chair.

“Jane may have a point,” Emily knew she was wrong, but the information was more than classified – Steve had told her in a session. “but I’m not having this conversation. Seriously, talk to him.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “How do I bring it up to him?”

“When you’re both relaxed, and have time. Everyone’s eaten recently and no one’s upset. But those are just the guidelines for having a serious conversation anyway.”

“Were you always like this?” Darcy dumped the remains of the apple in the garbage can, and looked back at Emily.

“Like what?”

“A grownup. Or is that part of the SHIELD training.”

“It’s part of training - called ‘fake it till you make it.’” She smiled. “But I did grow up with SHIELD, so I got it earlier than most.”

Darcy made a face. “Grew up with it?”

“Steve didn’t mention it? My parents are agents. My sister too.”

Darcy tapped her finger against her teeth. “That makes sense.” She pulled out her StarkPhone. “Later, when I don’t need to make sure Pepper and Tony are at their next meeting, I want to hear about growing up on a secret base.” She looked up from the phone. “You did grow up on a secret base, right?”

Emily looked at her. “I grew up in Chicago.”

Darcy snorted. “Well, I’m calling bullshit on that. Anyway, I’ll get the real story later. Off to my glamorous duties!” The flash of her smile was the last impression she left. 

~~

“Well, everything looks up to snuff.” Tony said, looking only at Pepper’s dress, a perfect replica of a 1940s ball gown in a deep blue. 

“You haven’t even looked around yet!” Pepper reprimanded.

“Well, if everything is as detailed as your dress, the rest of the party is perfect.” 

Pepper smiled her tone rightfully smug. “You better believe it’s perfect.”

“Have the usual suspects arrived?”

“Well, the Mayor’s office said he’d be a little late, but we do have a few of the candidates competing for the nominations in the primary here.”

“And the musketeers?”

“Clint is over by the bar, as is Emily. Bruce is talking to one of the musicians. I’m assuming everyone else is either hiding or making a grand entrance.” She looked pointedly at him. “You’re sure you’re not doing this just to annoy Steve, right? A 1940s themed Halloween party fundraiser for the rebuilding of New York?”

“I already said I wasn’t when I mentioned the idea. He just put me in the mood. And he’s been harder to annoy since Darcy.” He paused. “Ooh, do you think Captain Tight Pants is getting laid?”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Steve’s underpants aside, I think it’s also at least a little bit of Agent Willett.”

He made an appreciative face. “Emily is good. I mean, one of her first feats was teaching the Captain to use a StarkPhone and StarkPad in such ways as to not break them. It was impressive.” A waiter with a tray of champagne stopped, and they each took a glass. “Besides, I had Darcy ask Emily. She said he’d think it was cute.”

“You’re not supposed to use my assistant that way, Tony.” 

“Yeah, I know. Won’t stop me though.”

~~

Emily swirled her drink, the ice in the glass making a satisfying noise against the crystal. 

“Victory rolls really suit you.” Clint’s voice broke through the buzz of background noise. She looked over at him, with a smile.

“Why thank you, Agent Barton. As does the Navy dress uniform suit you.” She replied. He had grown more and more comfortable with her, now that she was living in the Tower. 

“I talked to Natasha about having us match. She went with something Russian, and I didn’t want to go there.”

Emily sipped her drink contemplatively. “She chose a Russian uniform? Good for her.”

“I think she’s trying to find some good in there. Outside of the crazy stuff that happened to her, and the crazy things the Soviets did in Russia.”

“That’s good. I hope it helps.”

“I’m not sure there’s much to find.” He said, a slight grimace on his face. 

“Even just knowing more probably helps her.”

The bartender placed his beer on the bar, and he took a swig. “Did you and the Cap plan this?”

Emily looked at him, confused. “Plan what?”

“The Army thing?” He looked at her for a minute. “He was in the Army – actually talked to me about being excited to be back in uniform. Did he not mention this to you?”

Emily laughed. “Apparently not! Oh well. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.”

He laughed. “Well, whatever. You match.”

Emily examined the swooping feeling in her stomach – they matched. Something about that felt good, and she wasn’t sure what it meant. Clint turned around to lean against the bar, and Emily followed suit, training her gaze on the impressive staircase that   
dominated the front of the room. 

In that moment, Darcy and Steve arrived. 

His uniform was impeccable. Emily would put money on it being better than regulation. Darcy, next to him, looked like a 1940s starlet in full bloom. The bright blue dress matched her eyes, and her hair was in glamorous, perfect waves. She looked nearly as authentic as he did. 

Clint was clearly ogling Darcy. “No need to doubt what the Cap sees in her.” His tone was amused. 

Emily snorted. “I’m sure it’s more than that.” She replied, rather absently. She was focused on Steve’s uniform. She’d seen pictures of him like that, in his files and even some old promotional materials. It was different in person. She took a long sip of her drink, enjoying the little burn down her throat as a reminder to breath and center. Her client was good looking; she’d known that for months. 

The two, her hand on his arm, made their way towards the bar. Jane, in a very accurate Air Force uniform, joined them along the way. 

~~

He felt himself still as he noticed Emily. With Darcy on his arm, it’d been like being in a haze, but the haze had lifted. He smiled a little half smile at her, and Emily responded in kind. There was a kind of recognition there that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

She saluted him with a grin. “Captain. Miss Lewis.” She said, with a wink.

“Lieutenant. I like the uniform.” He gave her another once-over. “Why army?”

“My grandfather served.”

He smiled. “Oh yeah? What’d he do?”

She looked coy for a moment. “Spy.”

He laughed. “I’m not even going to ask who for.”

She smiled enigmatically. “And you, Darcy, look like a movie star.”

He looked at Darcy, proud all over again that she had come with him. 

“Pepper found the dress for me – so amazing. I love it! But I have to say, the uniform is excellent on you.”

~~

Dinner was formal, although the food was much better than anything he’d had in the forties. It was nice to have little reminders that this was just a costume party. Although the people around him helped with that. Despite the animated conversation around him, and the fact that he was with the prettiest girl in the room, he found himself glancing at Emily more often than not. There was something about the uniform. Something he couldn’t place. 

“Something the matter, Captain Rogers?” She asked, about halfway through the soup course. It was a testament to their friendship that he wasn’t embarrassed at being caught out. 

“Your uniform – no company insignia.”

“He didn’t have a company – so I didn’t pick one.” 

He nodded. “Fair enough.”

Clint caught her attention to adjudicate a point of history with Natasha, and the meal passed without much more comment. 

~~

“You did great up there.” Emily handed him a drink. As much as the alcohol didn’t affect him, it was good to have something to do with his hands. It had been his first time making a pitch without a chorus of “A Man with a Plan” behind him. 

“It felt okay.” He said, taking a sip. “Darcy wrote a good speech.”

“I think you loosened some purse strings for sure.” Emily looked at the dance floor. “And it looks like she’s loosening some more as well.” Darcy was dancing with an older gentleman, laughing at a joke. 

“Pepper should be around here doing the same. It’s part of the strategy.”

“A one-two punch, I suppose. All this for contributions?” she asked.

He shook his head. “They’re after a grant for a pilot of the newest Stark power source. They would do it with their own money, but they want to make it more public.” 

Pepper walked over to them at that moment, a white wine in hand. “You guys should take a turn on the dance floor.” 

“Yeah?” Emily asked.

“Why not? It looks better if our guests of honor are having a good time.” 

She looked at Steve. “Are you up for it?” Emily asked, her voice a little more serious than he’d expected. He felt himself still, the words bringing up memories of the time before. Her eyes widened, probably reacting to whatever his face was doing. “We don’t have to!” 

“No…” he said slowly. “I just…I didn’t do much dancing in….well, before.” It was the closest he was going to get tonight to the truth.

She watched him for a moment, quietly assessing him. “I can teach you, if you want. No time like the present.”

He nodded, breaking into a small smile. “No time like the presence.” He held out his hand, and she took it as they moved onto the dance floor. 

~~

About 30 seconds in, she decided it might have been a mistake asking him to dance. First, it wasn’t exactly a private party. Cover or not, her face would likely be somewhere on the internet. Not exactly good for her capabilities as a stealth resource, but probably a hazard of working with the Avengers. Second, knowing academically that your client is attractive is one thing, being held by him on the dance floor while speaking instructions into his chest was quite another. 

They got into a good rhythm, and danced a second dance together, when she decided to look up at him, just as he looked down at her. They were so close, her heart stuttered for a moment. He was beautiful, of course, but the fact that she knew that he was kindhearted and a good person just made it even worse. Luckily, the music ended at that moment, and as if by prearranged cue, they broke apart, clapping for the band.

She saw Darcy heading towards them, and she made her break. “I’m going to catch some dessert – it looks like Darcy is on her way over.” He nodded and she made her way off the dance floor, deftly compartmentalizing whatever the hell that was back into a box. She found a decadent-looking cupcake at the dessert table and sat down at a vacant table. 

“I didn’t think staring into Roger’s eyes was your job, Agent.” Tony’s voice startled her.

“Jesus, Tony. I didn’t think yours was lurking around dessert tables.”

“Whatever. You were in a post-Captain-America daze. I could tell.”

“Lay off, Tony. I’m trying to enjoy what is likely an extremely overpriced cupcake.”

“Do I need to tell Darcy you’re out for her man?”

She looked over at him, and he was wearing his best shit-eating grin. 

“No, Tony, you don’t. I’m actually after Darcy herself.” She replied, rolling her eyes.

“Ooh, can I watch?”


	4. Chapter 4

_  
“I’ve been having more dreams.” He sat down at the table in their little meeting room, coffee long forgotten in the main kitchen._

_Emily looked at him. “What kind of dreams?”_

_“They’re not good.”_

_“But they’re different than before?”_

_“Less about other people…more about me.” He replied, the skin between his eyebrows crinkling._

_“Okay. Can you say something else about that?”_

_“I wake up in that hospital room again. Like that first day, after the ice.” He paused, emotions running close to the surface. “But it’s a different nurse. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes Natasha, or even just other faces. And I’m somewhere else again. Somewhere I don’t know anyone, and I don’t know how anything works.” He lets out a gush of breath. “The idea of having it happen again scares me.”_

_She nodded. “I can understand that – the idea that you survived for so long…”_

_“What if I had been found by those who weren’t as…scrupulous as SHIELD? I have my differences with them, but what if it had been someone more like Hydra?”_

_“Is that what you’re afraid of?”_

_“I lost a lot of control over my life after I got the serum, but the worst was waking up here. I took control, took down that plane, and ended up in a different century. Dependent. It’s not a good feeling.”_

_“Everyone wants to be independent. You more than most, I think.”_

_He nodded. “The first day I woke up, I didn’t want to sleep.”_

_“I remember talking about it. It took you three and a half days.”_

_“I knew I would dream. And I knew there was nothing they could give me to help. Even in the future they haven’t figured out how to inject anything into me.”_

~~

Emily sighed, reviewing her last session notes again. There was really nothing more to do, but it was better than just sitting, waiting. Outside, snow was gently falling. Inside, there was a set of worried people waiting for the return of the Avengers. They were now 24 hours late. JARVIS hadn’t been able to find anything, which was enough to make anyone worry. 

Darcy poked her head into the room. “Any word?”

Maria Hill, the Avengers current handler, was sitting at a laptop, tapping away impatiently. She had moved her operations here after the Avengers were 10 hours late, the logic being that JARVIS might know more. She was constantly conversing with other agents at headquarters, and several times, Emily suspected, with Director Fury. 

“Nothing here.” Emily said. “I’d say JARVIS is starting to sound worried, but I think I’m projecting.”

Darcy smiled softly. “Pepper has me trying to schedule recurring appointments through June. I think it’s busy work.” 

“Kind of sounds like it.” Emily replied. 

“Incoming communication, all channels.” JARVIS said, sharply. 

“HELLO? ANY ONE THERE? AGENT WILLET? AGENT HILL?” A voice broke through the overhead speakers, loud enough to make them wince and full of static.

“Tony?” Emily asked. 

“I’m tracking the signal. Have Agent Hill bring her setup into the Command Suite.” 

Maria was already moving. Emily looked at Darcy.

“Get Jane and Pepper in here.” Darcy scampered off.

She and Maria put on headphones. The display showed a dot, representing the Quinjet coming towards them from the direction of the mission. “Tony? Can you hear me?”

She got an earful of static. “The comm system…patched through…suit sustained…We’re coming in now.”

“JARVIS, can you clean that up?”

“I am able to reinforce the connection. It should be clearer now.”

She heard the static again, but quieter. “Tony? What’s your status?”

“We have injured. Natasha looks like she broke an arm, and…well…” 

“Tony, you still there? I’ve got Maria keying into the SHIELD hospital.”

“I’m here. We’re probably going to want to keep this one in house. Steve’s unconscious.”

Emily swore. Maria was suddenly tapping wildly at her computer. “Okay, I’m getting the infirmary here up and running. We’ll do what we can. And the rest of you?”

“Tired and beat to hell. Banner is trying to keep an eye on Steve but he looks like he’s about a minute from passing out.”

“What’s your ETA?”

“Fifteen minutes at his point.”

“Okay, we should be ready by then. Maria is getting the doctor that first saw Steve when he woke up.”

“Yeah, okay. Let him in.”

“What the hell happened?”

“We won. They were just…strong.” There as a pause. Emily and Maria shared a glance. “Cap got the shield knocked out of his hand, and then the last guy…kind of exploded. He protected Natasha. It was dramatic, I’ll give him that. And then he picked up his shield and passed out.”

“I have confirmation from the infirmary that they’re ready for you. There’s a team waiting at the pad.”

“I don’t want to be checked out right now.” Tony whined, remarkably effectively, given the lack of a good connection.

“Then you shouldn’t have come back beat to hell and twenty-four hours late.”

Jane, Pepper and Darcy arrived, their eyes wide. “What’s the situation?” Peppers voice was calmer than her face. 

“They’re mostly unscathed, just exhausted and a little traumatized. Natasha has a suspected broken arm from an explosion, and…” she looked at Darcy. “Steve’s unconscious from the same explosion.”

“Pep? Is that you?” There was something in Tony’s voice that made her smile.

“Tony? Yeah it’s me. What’d you do to Steve?” 

“I didn’t do anything. Apparently those guys explode when beaten. So it’s been about three or four hours.” 

Maria patched the new information to the infirmary, and Emily glanced over at Darcy, who was having a reaction. 

“Steve’s in a coma?” Her voice was small, with maybe the edge of hysteria. Jane took charge, a small woman with a lot of force. She pulled Darcy onto one of the chairs toward the back of the room, and started talking to her quietly. Darcy seemed to be responding, but everything about her remained tight. 

“If it makes you feel any better, whatever happened has to be way less traumatic than being in a deep freeze for years.” Tony’s voice sounded over the comm. 

“Not that helpful, Tony.” Emily replied. Sparing one last glance to Darcy, she went back to helping Maria getting everything set up. 

“We’re about to land.”

“Then we’re heading to you.” 

~~

The quinjet landed as easily as ever, two doctors and a nurse from the infirmary standing by. Tony is the first out, the Iron Man suit disassembling despite looking like a can opener had been taken to it, all except the boots, which seem to be stuck. Clint, covered in mud and with rips in his uniform suggesting something with claws, helped Natasha out. Her uniform was both covered in mud and layer of soot. Her left arm was immobilized with a field wrapping. Thor, covered in the same mud/soot mixture, waves the doctors over. He has the gurney, where a similarly mud splattered and soot covered Steve is lying. Bruce was the last out, looking worn out and dirty like the rest. 

Pepper was tending to Tony, trying to figure out how to get the boots off his feet. Emily looked at Bruce, who shrugged.

“He’s stable. The explosion would have vaporized anyone else, but he’s breathing, his heart his beating. He’s just not conscious.”

One of the doctors nodded, speaking into his earpiece, and they walked as a group down to the infirmary. They were a crowd walking down to the infirmary. Tony was talking to JARVIS about getting equipment ready to cut the boots off if necessary. Thor walked like an honor guard behind Steve, and Jane walked with Darcy, next to Steve’s gurney. Emily and Bruce walked side by side, watching the gurney from a distance. Clint and Natasha were helping each other downstairs, in a way that looked long practiced and almost automatic. 

Steve looked awful. There was no graceful way to say it. Underneath the grime, his face was gray – even grayer than any pictures she had seen of his recovery from the ice. He looked boneless, lifeless even, even though his vitals were fine. The doctors were rushing him to the infirmary, but the thought struck her: she wasn’t sure what they could do for him there. 

The Avengers were strangely quiet when they arrived at the infirmary. The only noise was Darcy’s hysterical crying, which Jane and Thor were trying to help her through. Thor wrapped her in a blanket with more delicacy than Emily had thought possible from the large man. Tony stood, his Iron Man suit encased feet forgotten, as they wheeled Steve into a room. Natasha was directed into an alcove by one of the doctors, Clint following, for a doctor to reset Natasha’s arm. 

Bruce was leaning heavily against a crash cart next to Steve’s room, looking worse than he often did after a transformation. 

“Are you okay?” Emily asked. 

“It was a rough fight, even before Steve got knocked out. And the Other Guy is upset that the team leader is in trouble. He really likes Steve AND Captain America.” He paused. “I need to brief the doctors on what they can do for Steve.” 

Bruce’s eyes were green. There didn’t seem to be anything else happening, but that didn’t assuage her fear. 

“Tell me what they need to know, and I can take care of it. I think you need to leave.”

“Yeah. I think so. He needs supportive treatment. We can’t do anything else – a feeding tube and an oxygen tent would probably help the most.”

She nodded. “I got it.” She looked around for a moment. Tony was starting to clomp upstairs to take care of his feet, but seemed to be managing on his own. “Pepper!” The redhead turned. “Can you take Bruce upstairs with you?”

Pepper looked and understood immediately. She came over slowly, looking more relaxed than she probably was. “Hey Bruce, you want to go back up to your quarters?”

Bruce nodded. Despite the green eyes, he had the air of a small child – as though all that was getting through of the Hulk was his limited intelligence, rather than his incredible strength or anger.

Watching them safely out of the infirmary, she found the doctor working on Steve. Or rather, discussing with another doctor what to do. 

“Excuse me, I’m Agent Willett, authorized to consult on Captain America.” It wasn’t exactly true, but it was close enough. 

“I’m Dr. Sonnenshine. What can you tell us?”

“Basically he needs supportive therapy – an oxygen tent and a feeding tube would be a good start. Most of the other things we have will go through his system too quickly to be of any use.”

“Nurse, let’s get that moving – there should be an oxygen tent in there, and feeding tubes in the supply room.” 

Emily watched as the nurse cleaned off his face as best she could, and then the doctor threaded the feeding tube through his nose. They put the oxygen tent over him gently, and looked at her.  
“Any thoughts on the feeding?”

“He eats a lot. More than twice what a man his size would. He’s already been unconscious for several hours, and was under attack before then. Plus, any healing would probably require energy as well."

He nodded. “I’ll set him up for a large amount. We’ll be able to tell soon enough if it’s helping.”

They moved toward the door, and the pit of Emily’s stomach dropped. There was no way she wanted to leave him alone, particularly not to wake up like that. A small voice in the back of her mind whispered, if he wakes up. She ignored it, biting her cheek for a moment. Her first choice was Darcy, but a quick look outside the room confirmed that she was still quite upset, leaning on Jane. 

“Do you have news?” Darcy asked, her voice clogged with mucus. 

“They’re giving him a feeding tube and oxygen. We’ll know soon enough if he’s going to be okay.”

She nodded, and Jane whispered something in her ear, which she assented to. The two women, escorted by Thor, walked quietly out towards the stairs. Natasha was being bandaged, although her eyes were trained on Steve’s room. 

Emily walked back inside the room. She pulled one of the chairs over from the corner.

“Steve, I’m here. Stay with me.”

~~

Four hours later, JARVIS broke into the silence. “Agent Willett, Darcy Lewis is approaching the treatment room.” 

“How does she seem?”

“She appears much more subdued than previously. Jane and Thor have been taking care of her; I believe one of the infirmary doctors might have given her something to calm down."

Darcy knocked on the glass door of the room, then poked her head inside. “Can I come in?”

Emily nodded. “Of course.”

She walked in, her face paling a little looking at Steve. “How is he?”

“Unchanged. His vitals seem to be strong, but he’s unconscious. They’re hesitant to do more tests if they have to move him.” She looked at Darcy. “How are you?”

“Doing better. I kind of freaked out a little.”

“This might be freak out worthy.” Emily replied. Darcy pulled another chair over, and sat down next to her.

“Jane talked to one of the doctors. Sunshine?”

“Sonnenshine.” Emily supplied.

“Yeah. He says they think he’ll be okay?”

“I mean, I’m hopeful. But we don’t really know how long it’ll take for him to heal.” 

“Is there a possibility he won’t?” Emily nodded. Darcy swallowed. “Do you think he can hear us? Or me?”

“It’s like a coma – and there have been cases of people talking helping.”

Emily stood. “I’m going to get a sandwich. You talk to him and tell him to hurry back.”

Darcy smiled, her eyes a little watery despite herself. “I dunno that I’ll be able to stay that long.”

“It’s okay. No judgment.” She said, with a smile.

~~

The kitchen was well stocked, with some of her favorite foods, including the incredible roast beef sandwiches. She wondered, as she took the first bite, if someone in catering heard she was on Captain America duty.

Eating slowly, she thought about the scene she had just left behind. If Darcy’s reaction was anything to go by, things between Darcy and Steve were more serious than Emily had realized. Or perhaps the injury had simply clarified Darcy’s feelings on the subject.   
Emily sighed. The protectiveness she often felt for her clients was much stronger than average for Steve in general. Despite her general low-level of anxiety around hospitals, it was never a nice thing to see a friend or client unconscious like that. Wondering whether or not he would wake up hurt, pushing its way into her consciousness. She needed space to think it all through, but at the same time, she needed to be there for him. 

This was the exact situation he had feared, and she had no idea what waking up in a hospital would be like for him if there were no one there. 

Finally, Emily returned to the treatment room. She really didn’t want to walk in on a private moment. Darcy seemed to have said her piece, her hand covering his on the bed. She wiped a tear from her eye as Emily walked in. 

“I can come back?” Emily said, gesturing back to the nurses’ station. 

“I’m glad someone is staying with him.” Darcy said. “He said he sometimes doesn’t even like sleeping, afraid he’ll wake up again and everyone will be gone. It’s good to have someone familiar nearby.” Her words were slurred with tears.

“I’m glad I can do it for him.” Emily said, honestly. The two of them watched Steve for a moment. His breathing was steady; his color marginally better than when he came in. 

“I think I ran away from some problems and they’re coming back to bite me.” Darcy said, in a rush of air. Emily sat in the chair next to Darcy again, unclear where this was leading. “You’re a therapist, right? If I run from something, it’s not solving it.”

“You’re right.” Emily was still trying to follow the thread of the conversation.

“Most people aren’t lucky enough to have three boyfriends land in the hospital.”

“Three boyfriends?”

“Well, if we count Steve here.” She sighed. “I have shit luck. And I hate hospitals. People go in and they don’t come out. This isn’t a hospital, but it still feels like one.”

“A lot of people don’t like hospitals.” Emily said slowly, still feeling kind of dumb. 

“Yeah. I guess I just never thought he’d be here. I mean, he’s Captain America! The only one less destructible than him is Thor. Or maybe the Hulk? But either way – pretty indestructible.”

“And you had thought maybe you wouldn’t ever be in this position again.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I was told I should get therapy, but no, I had my shit together.” She made a huffing noise. “No one has their shit together after their mom dies when they’re a kid and they have a boyfriend die in high school.”

“That’s probably true.” 

“I just…no one thought he’d be here, right?”

Emily shook her head. “This is the last place I thought I’d be with him.”

“He looks so vulnerable.”

“He does look vulnerable.” Emily replied. “But he’s still probably stronger than you and me combined.”

~~

Six hours after Darcy left, Emily felt a hand on her shoulder. Her head was pillowed on Steve’s hospital bed, the top of her head touching his thigh through the sheet over him. She jumped, fully awake now, and looking up with big eyes at whoever touched her.

“Emily?” It was Bruce. “I showered, changed, ate, slept and meditated, and then I asked JARVIS who was with Steve. Imagine my surprise when he said you.”

“Everyone else seemed occupied. And then I was falling asleep, so it seemed like too much work to find anyone.”

“Did Darcy come by?”

Emily looks at the clock. “About…six hours ago.” She paused. “She was still too upset to stay. But I think it helped her to see him.”

“Ah.” Bruce said. “So you stayed?”

“It seemed...easier?” 

“And because it was Steve.” There was something in his voice that made her wary. 

“I didn’t want him to wake up alone.”

Bruce sat down in the chair that Darcy had occupied hours before. “So, you may know this about me, but I notice things. And The Other Guy tends to notice things too.”

“What kind of things?” Emily’s wariness had turned into anxiety.

“Like…you and he tend to take care of each other. You bring him coffee, he brings you lunch. And you know each other’s schedules, even on days when you’re not working together. You more reliably know where he is than Darcy does.” Emily opened her mouth, but he held up a hand. “He responds to your teaching and you go above and beyond for him. The Other Guy notices that your heart rate often increases in his vicinity, and your perspiration rate. He looks at you more often than he does a lot of the women around the Tower.”

“We have a good relationship. But he’s got a girlfriend and he’s a client.” She’s fairly sure those two concerns should have been in the opposite order. She doesn’t have the brain power to consider it further at the moment. 

“Just – don’t let there be regrets.” He shook his head. “Look, don’t listen to me, I don’t know what I’m talking about. My love life’s a mess.”

“It’s always easier to say something when it’s not your heart on the line.”

He looked at her for a long moment, and she felt herself having revealed more than she meant. But it was innocent. Finally, he said. “You’ve been here for over ten hours. Go home – get cleaned up, get some food, put together a schedule for Steve, sleep. I’ll keep you updated.”

She looked at Steve again, nodding, and walked upstairs. 

~~

Four hours into her next shift, and twenty-eight hours since the incident, Steve turned his head to the side, opening his eyes for a moment. Emily found herself looking him in the eye. 

“Hi Steve. It’s Emily. It’s been about a day since a mission that knocked you unconscious.” She realized she was using her best “I’m a therapist” voice, but it was all she could do. He wrapped her fingers around the hand that had been resting on his. “You’re under an oxygen tent and we gave you a feeding tube to help you heal. Squeeze my hand if you understand.” He squeezed her hand. It was the best thing she had felt, and her heart was pounding with excitement. She pushed the nurse’s station button. “I’m going to get someone to come in and have a look at you.” He squeezed her hand again. 

“He’s awake?” Dr. Sonnenshine said, checking his vitals on the monitor above his head before looking at him. 

 

“He moved his head, and opened his eyes for a moment. When I spoke to him, I asked if he understood and he squeezed my hand.”

“That’s good. Let’s get him some water and see if he can talk to us.” Steve’s eyes opened again, focusing better this time.

A nurse brought some water, and they feed it to him under the oxygen tent. 

“A day?” He said, his voice rough. 

“Just about twenty-eight hours.”

“I feel like a truck ran over me.” His voice was soft. 

“You’re healing without painkillers. You saved Natasha’s life, though.”

“She okay?”

“Just a broken arm. She’s not thrilled with it, but she’s alive.”

“Everyone else?”

“All fine. Lots of worried people though. No one was totally sure you’d be okay.”

“Still tired.” 

“No reason not to sleep. Someone will stay with you.” She said. 

“Glad you’re here. You’re a good dancer. You take care of me.” His voice had a dreamy quality to it. “You can do anything…” His voice trailed off. “Glad to sleep more…” His fingers stayed wrapped around hers for a moment longer, before relaxing into sleep. 

“Well, we had a sign of life. That’s excellent. I’m sure the tiredness was making him a little stranger than average?” 

Emily nodded. “I’d imagine so.” She looked at Steve. “His face looks more normal now.

“I think he might be out of danger.” He said. 

Emily paused for a moment. “JARVIS, let everyone know that Steve woke up for a little while and spoke with us. He slipped back into a coma, but we suspect it’s less deep than previously. The doctor is pleased though, and we’re very hopeful about his recovery.”

~~

Three hours later, a few people had stopped by to see if Steve was awake. It seemed like he was down for the count again, though. 

“Agent Willett, Captain Rogers has another visitor.” If she had to guess, she thought JARVIS sounded amused. 

She paused. “Uh, okay. Everyone who has access to this part of the building shouldn’t have to be announced?”

“I thought you might want a heads-up, Agent.” Emily turned around, her heart thumping at the familiar voice. Agent Phil Coulson was standing there, leaning against a cane and looking a little tired, but very much alive.

“Phil?”

“Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. When I heard about this whole thing, I decided to see if I could hang out with him too.”

Emily’s brain could hardly process what she was seeing. “Yeah, that’s probably fine.” She replied, slightly absently. 

~~

(6 days later)

Emily walked into what had become a familiar scene: Steve was eating, while Phil was keeping him company. It seemed as though visiting Captain America was a perfect first assignment for an agent who had, probably literally, been brought back from the dead. She had done some hunting after his first surprise visit and she was unconvinced that they might not have blackmailed Loki into some help or something. Still, it was so good to have him back with them. 

“Am I interrupting?” she asked, as the two men looked up. 

“Nah, I was just going to get a sandwich and join Rogers here in lunch. I hear the roast beef is particularly good here.”

She looked at him. “Did you do that?”

“When I could, I told JARVIS to take care of you – it was tough getting it by Tony.”

“It was quite clever. Delivered to you as an email to your Stark Industries email account.” JARVIS said.

“I don’t have a Stark Industries account.” Emily said.

“No, and thus I read it but it was not flagged for Tony automatically. As I said, ingenious.”

“And one time use only, I’m sure. Tony had already figured out that someone was telling JARVIS things without Tony knowing them.”

She laughed. “I’ll take a sandwich, if there’s enough.”

“Of course.” Phil wandered slowly toward the kitchen, and she sat next to Steve in the abandoned chair. He had a tray of food in front of him that looked like it could feed a family of four. In other words, a normal portion for him. She walked towards the bedside.

“Glad you’ve got your appetite back.”

“I ate eight meals a day for a month after the ice. That feeding tube really helped.”

“Bruce told me what to do, I did it. I think the doctor was grateful that he could do something, rather than just having to watch you possibly die under his watch.”

He looked at her for a moment, chewing. “Bruce tells me you stayed with me a lot.”

“I took the first shift. Some of the harder to fill shifts. There were a good group of us. Heck, Phil was the one with you when you actually woke up.”

“I’m glad I remembered what you had told me, because seeing him there was not something I was prepared for.” He said, with a laugh. “Bruce told me that you did all the overnight shifts. Filled in when people needed to leave early.”

She shrugged. “What was needed.”

“Well, still. Thank you. I know it wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world, but I can’t tell you the difference that someone being there meant.”

“I’m glad. I wanted to. And in the beginning, we weren’t sure if you were sleeping or maybe dying. So…”

“Between you and Bruce, you’re good at figuring out how to make things better, even if you can’t fix them.”

“I suppose for him, it’s a good skill to have as the Hulk.” Emily smiled. Phil walked back in with two sandwiches. “The doctor said you’d be out by Christmas.” 

“Yeah, I’ll be glad to be out of here. And to also feel better." He looked down and then back up. 

“Is Darcy still here?” His voice was quiet. Her heart hurt a little for him.

“She was talking about going home, but I don’t know what happened with that.” She said, looking at him.

“She asked me what to do – I didn’t know what to say.” He sighed. “There’s a big part of me that wants her here, but there’s another part that knows that family is really important – you don’t get that time back.”

“Both are equally true. She took what happened with you pretty hard – I’ve said it before, but nobody expected you to be in the hospital.” 

“Yeah, not sure I ever expected to be back here either – at least not for this long.”

“Well, don’t make a habit of it.” She said, with a laugh.

“Are you heading out to Chicago?”

She shook her head. “I’ve been planning on staying here for a while. My parents are on a mission and my sister’s going to her in-laws.”

“I’m sorry you won’t get to be with them.”

She shrugged. “We have something planned for January already.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I got you a gift, then.” He said, with a smile.

“Yeah, I suppose so, soldier.”


	5. Chapter 5

_  
AUDIO ONLY RECORDING; Rogers, Captain Steven G.; Session 55, Recording 55; CLASSIFIED. Only for use of psychologist/psychiatrist. Not for use for determining mental fitness._

_Willett: Session date January 16, 2013. Captain Rogers met with me after a tense date with Darcy. She went home for a break over Christmas and New Years and since then has been giving Steve conflicting information. I’m unclear what’s going to be the prognosis. It is giving Steve real anxiety. I worked with him to come up with several ways of addressing the issue with Darcy – it’s a difficult process, as Steve is a man of action often rather than words. But he and I both agree that words are necessary.  
[Sound of a finger tapping on a table] I haven’t been able to ascertain whether Darcy has talked to Steve about what happened, beyond being certain that he’s okay. Luckily, he is fully recovered, but emotionally, I think he could have used some support from her – and not only that, I think she is not dealing with her issues effectively. _

_[Sound of door opening and closing]_

_Rogers: Shit, Emily. You might have warned me that Darcy wanted to dump me!_

_Willett: She did what?_

_Rogers: She told me she discussed it with you! That you said that you can’t run from your issues. That she felt like she was running!_

_Willett: I have no…I talked to her when you were unconscious – twice. About her issues with hospitals. And I told her the second time she needed to talk to you about it, and maybe think about getting professional help, not me, if she really wanted to get over it._

_Rogers: Well, that’s not how she tells it!_

_Willett: What’s her version?_

_Rogers: That you basically said that she needs to take the time to get over her shit, and that it doesn’t include me._

_Willett: Does that sound like me?_

_Rogers: But it’s what she told me. And it’s why she broke up with me!_

_Willett: DAMMIT DARCY! I would NOT say that to her – I don’t want to be more involved in your relationship than I am already – I’m trying to help you get things together so you can get what you need from the relationship – I’m not trying to a) sabotage it by telling her to break up with you or b) keep that kind of information from you._

_[Sound of someone sitting heavily on a chair]_

_Rogers: I don’t fucking know. I don’t like it, and I don’t think I will for a while._

_Willett: That’s fine. I want to get to the bottom of it! She was upset – she’s had some pretty traumatic experiences, and had thought you were indestructible. Seeing you in the hospital bed brought up some emotions that were really difficult to deal with._

_Rogers: So she broke my heart because she’s worried about me getting hurt? Because I can get hurt?_

_Willett: I didn’t say it was logical. [a few moments of silence] Did she really break your heart?_

_[Another pause]_

_Rogers: I don’t think so. Not really. I’m sad, I’m angry – but not heartbroken. I remember what that feels like – but it’s sad. I was having fun. I felt like we had potential to be something real._

_[Sound of paper shuffling]_

_Willett: If I had known, I would have encouraged you to talk to her sooner. To…I dunno. She really just up and broke up with you?_

_Rogers: I wish. I had just worked up the courage to try one of the openers we worked on, and she was like, “hold on, I don’t think I can have this kind of conversation with you, because I already know what I want – I don’t think I can do a relationship anymore.”_

_Willett: Really?_

_Rogers: It wasn’t exactly that, but that’s how it felt. [pause] She was crying when she said it. But then she started talking about you, and things went sideways from there._

_Willett: And you came to see me after that?_

_Rogers: Yeah. You okay?_

_Willett: I’m still wrapping my brain around what you said, but aside from that, I’m fine, I think. How are you?_

_Rogers: I think I liked being angry better. This hurts._

_Willett: It will hurt. I’m so sorry. No one deserves that. [pause] Do you need a moment?_

_Rogers: Something about what she said – made me feel stupid. The way I haven’t felt in a long time. Like I was stupid for not expecting it. She hadn’t ever used my inexperience against me. And that she expected that you would tell me that she would want to break up, so I’d know._

_Willett: She was really trying to hurt you. Make sure you didn’t want her._

~~ 

(A few hours later) 

Emily sat in her office, their new name for the room where she and Steve met, poking at the incredibly goofy Captain America plush toy that had been part of her Christmas gift from Steve. There was a quiet knock on the door. 

“Emily?” Darcy stuck her head into the room. 

"Can I help you, Darcy?” Emily was really surprised to see her. 

"Ah, so you’ve talked to Steve.” 

“Come in, sit down.” Emily said, her voice a little sharper than she intended. 

Darcy nodded. Her face was pulled together, but her eyes were red. She sat at the table. Emily got them cups of water. 

“I need a referral.” Darcy’s voice was sharp. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“For a therapist. I know you can’t do it, but I need someone. I said some awful things to Steve today, and besides the fact that I wish I had done it in a nicer way, I think I needed to do it. But there’s…my brain isn’t doing so well.” 

“Okay. I can do that.” She paused. “You made Steve think I had not told him that you wanted to break up with him.” 

She had the decency to blush. “I was…I was not in a good place.” She looked at Emily. “Can I be super honest?” Emily nodded. “I wanted to give him something that maybe you weren’t perfect.” 

“So you decided to tell him that I wasn’t by telling him that I kept the idea that you were going to break up with him from him?” She paused. “Besides, I’m fairly sure Steve knows I’m not perfect. Far from.” 

Darcy cradled her head in her hands. “He just…I dunno. Maybe a little jealousy? It was just dumb, and I’m sorry. Do you hate me?” 

“I don’t hate you, but I’m not sure I’m okay with you making trouble with my client – particularly not one I’m friends with.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” 

~~ 

(Two weeks later) 

Tony stopped Steve in the kitchen. “Can you explain to me why you’re avoiding Emily?” 

Steve looked surprised. “I’m not avoiding her. I’ve been going to my sessions – we had coffee this morning. You were there.” 

“But you’ve stopped with the one-on-one peptalks in the gym and while she’s cooking.” 

Steve’s expression hardened. “They were about Darcy, mostly. And she’s stopped coming to the gym as much so I don’t go to the kitchen as often. I just want to make sure we keep the boundaries clear.” 

“You guys weren’t that clear about the boundaries before.” Tony said, gesturing at him with a coffee cup. 

“Yeah – well, we’re trying to be better about it.” 

“We? You.” 

“Her too.” 

Tony gave him a look, and walked away. Steve looked after him, shaking his head in wonder. When had Tony taken an interest in when he does or doesn’t talk to Emily? 

~~ 

(later that day) 

Emily was reading a transcript of their last session. Something about it had her uncomfortable. The dynamic between her and Steve had changed since the Darcy break up, and she wasn’t happy about it. 

_  
Rogers: Can I ask you a question?_

_Willett: Sure_

_Rogers: What’s the point of teaching me about what it was like to grow up in this time? To be my apparent age? The only people I meet are SHIELD – and even if I meet someone else, we’ve told everyone how Captain America came to be. My face is famous._

_Willett: When we first started, I think we both thought you’d be anonymous for a lot longer. I think SHIELD would have preferred that you had been an unknown for longer._

_Rogers: But I’m known. Really well – and now SHIELD is pushing it._

_Willett: You’re good publicity._

_Rogers: So, what’s the point?_

_Willett: I think your understanding of our world is better because of it. Considering that we’re the generation you’re going to be dealing with the longest, maybe that’s important. We don’t know how you’ll age, but…_

_Rogers: But will it work enough?_

_Willett: How do you define enough?_

_Rogers: It’s never going to be the same. And if I want a real relationship with people, I have to talk about who I really am – what my real memories are._

_Willett: I know. But…for instance, when Tony called your latest nemesis Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…?_

_Rogers: I knew the reference. But any references I had weren’t enough for Darcy._

_Willett: You know that wasn’t about you. Maybe you weren’t compatible, training or not. Or just not at this point – she has a lot she wants to deal with now._

_Rogers: It’s just frustrating._

_Willett: I can understand that – we can stop if you want._

_Rogers: No – no, I think you’re right that we should keep going. But it’s just harder than I expected._

_Willett: Seems like a lot of worthwhile things are._

~~ 

__(February 14 2013)_ _

__Emily futzed with the sleeve of her dress. The deep turquoise colored lace dress was beautiful – and had arrived in her apartment with a note that just said, “Wear this tonight” in Pepper’s handwriting. She wasn’t sure when she’d landed on the need-to-be-dressed list._ _

__“Will someone please tell me why I’m needed at the Avenger’s promo spot?” She was standing with Clint, Natasha and Pepper in the lobby of Sobu, one of the newest, hippest restaurants in New York._ _

__Clint snorted. “Because Tony asked you? Because for some reason they wanted the Avengers to have other people with them? Because you’re photogenic? Plus your birthday dinner last week kind of got messed up by those pet-eating mechanical spiders, so I think Tony wanted to make that up to you.”_ _

__Emily narrowed her eyes. “I feel like if something needs that many reasons, it means that one reason just wasn’t good enough.”_ _

__Pepper smiled. “Don’t think too hard. We’re in one of the best, hardest to get into restaurants, on SHIELD’s tab. The price is sitting in a pretty dress looking photogenic.”_ _

__“Well, I guess I will just be FORCED to enjoy myself.” Emily replied, theatrically._ _

__Things had remained somewhat tense in the Tower. Despite it being just about a month since Steve and Darcy’s break up, Emily and Steve were also still working out some new common ground. But things weren’t comfortable yet. She had been looking forward to her birthday dinner, until it was so rudely interrupted. She’d only seen Steve twice since then._ _

__If she was honest with herself, she missed seeing him. She had more than enough to do with general SHIELD work, but it wasn’t the same._ _

__“So, who’s the photographer?” Clint asked. He had a passing interest in the way the PR for the Avengers worked._ _

__“Some kid named Peter Parker. Tony found him, and I vetted him. He seems like what we need – and we get to give an unknown a little fame.” Pepper looked down at her phone. “They’re ready.”_ _

__Steve and Tony were already at the table. She was not ready for the way her heart tripped upon seeing him. She really had missed him, and besides that, whoever had dressed him had managed to make him look just like Steve but much more formal. It was better than the Army uniform – there was too much history with that. This was, well, drool inducing._ _

__It helped that he was genuinely happy to see her, and gave her a quick hug before Tony very carefully placed her on his left side, between him and Steve. Clint and Natasha were across the table from her, and Darcy was there, having a powwow with the photographer._ _

__“That’s your Mr. Parker?” Emily asked Tony._ _

__“Yeah, what’d you think?”_ _

__“Nice looking kid. Pepper says he can take pictures. That’s what we need, right?”_ _

__He nodded. “I’m thinking maybe what Darcy needs is something new to focus on.”_ _

__Emily looked at him. “Yeah?” He gestured vaguely in their direction. “You trying to set them up?” she asked, her voice low._ _

__“She’s moped around the tower for nearly a month, despite breaking Capsicle’s heart and being unrepentant. He’s both talented and snarky.”_ _

__Emily shook her head. “Maybe it’ll work.”_ _

__“You don’t think they should get back together?” Tony asked, glancing at Steve._ _

__She followed his gaze. Steve seemed to be deep in conversation with Natasha. “Not really.”_ _

__Tony smirked. “Good woman.” Bruce and the others arrived, and the meal began, with Peter taking both posed and action shots._ _

__About halfway through the meal, she slipped way to the bathroom, needing a moment to untangle her nerves._ _

__Steve, after having a short conversation with her that had approached their level of comfort before Darcy had become an issue, had become impossible to talk to. He was totally distracted by Darcy flirting with Peter, and it was difficult to watch without Tony’s ridiculous commentary. With it…well. She loitered in the bathroom for a few moments, and then, deciding she’d procrastinated enough, she walked out of the bathroom and almost directly into Steve._ _

__“Woah, sorry about that.” She said, pushing her hand off his chest. He steadied her with an arm._ _

__“You okay?” He asked._ _

__“Yeah, fine now.” She paused, searching his face. He looked…she wasn’t sure what. “Are you okay? You’ve been out of it all dinner.”_ _

__“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“Is it Darcy?” He seemed to focus on her for the first time._ _

__“I mean…I think I’m right that having your ex-girlfriend flirting with someone else in front of you is a strange situation to be in. Can’t say I’ve ever been in that position before.” He said, his voice slightly gruff._ _

__“Yeah, it’s a weird situation, for sure. How’re you feeling about it?”_ _

__“I’m okay. I think.” He shook his head. “I came to find you.”_ _

__“Oh?” Her heart leaped to her throat._ _

__“Yeah, I have something for you. For your birthday. I didn’t get a chance to give it to you.” He paused, his cheeks turning a little red. “I think I couldn’t work up the courage.”_ _

__She smiled. “You don’t need courage for me.”_ _

__He looked at her. “Yeah, I know – but it’s been a little weird.” He pulled a rectangular box out of his pocket._ _

__“I know – I’m sorry for that.”_ _

__“Tony told me to give the prototype to someone.” He handed it to her, and she opened it._ _

__“It’s your shield!” It was a tiny Captain America shield, done all in silver and slightly stylized to be even more beautiful._ _

__“Do you like it?” His expression was so hopeful she choked a little on her words._ _

__“It’s wonderful. I’m going to put it on now – even though it won’t show.”_ _

__“Yeah.” His face relaxed into a smile._ _

__She pulled it out, doing the clasp around her neck and sliding it under the boatneck of her dress. It was a comfortable presence just where her cleavage started. She touched it, and then looking up at him, she reached up and hugged him. “Thank you!”_ _

__“You’re so welcome. Happy birthday.”_ _

__“Thanks.” She took a breath. “Let’s head back to the table before they think we got lost.”_ _

__“The restaurant would not survive the search party.”_ _

__~~_ _

__By the end of the meal, it seemed clear that Tony’s matchmaking scheme might work – Darcy and Peter were talking to the exclusion of everyone else. Not that they noticed because, despite Thor and Steve being stone sober, the group was still, overall, more on the way to drunk than sober._ _

__“I have a proposal.” Thor’s voice was loud. “Let us adjourn back to the Tower. I want to partake of the new barrel of Mead that arrived. We can truly celebrate family and love!”_ _

__Jane had explained Valentine’s Day as best as she could – rather than sticking with the cynical description, she had hoped to give one that would clue Thor into doing the right thing. He seemed to be on track._ _

__Tony looked like he thought this was the best idea ever. “Let us adjourn! Pep, tell them to make dessert to go!”_ _

__~~_ _

__The tankard of Asgardian mead sat in the main lounge of the Tower, along with Tony’s assortment of incredible alcohol._ _

__Thor, however, wanted a true Asgard-style celebration. He ordered, in his best princely style, the rearrangement of furniture, to create a table big enough to hold everyone. The table was then loaded with alcohol, including several pitchers of the mead._ _

__“Friends, take up a drink of your choice, and then we must each make a toast!”_ _

__The first few rounds went okay – Thor, Tony, Pepper and Jane gave reasonable toasts, but everyone very quickly got quite drunk. Slowly the setup started breaking down. The last to give a toast was Steve, who had made several heroes weepy with his references to family. Damn heroes and their propensity for being orphans._ _

__Darcy and Peter got involved in some kind of discussion of politics which then devolved into some kind of drinking contest that only they understood the rules of. Tony and Pepper adjourned to one of the couches, where he was massaging her neck and whispering in her ear. Emily peeled her eyes away – it looked pretty intimate._ _

__“I never noticed before.”_ _

__Emily looked at Steve. They were the last two at the big table. “Never noticed what?” Emily prompted when it became clear that he wasn’t going to continue._ _

__“Just the couples. I guess they’re just around all the time. Natasha/Clint, Pepper/Tony, Jane/Thor – and whatever Darcy and Peter are doing over there. But there’s you and me and Bruce.”_ _

__“Feeling sorry for yourself, Rogers?” She asked, tracing her finger over the grain in the table._ _

__He laughed quietly. “Not exactly._ _

__She took another swig of her drink. One thing about Tony, he kept good booze and good mixers. “Do you think they’ll give the title of Avenger’s Shrink, even if I’m not a psychiatrist?”_ _

__He snorted. “Not a good enough title. You need something fancy. We’ll think of something.” He looked outside. “Hey, it’s snowing.” He looked at her. “Let’s go outside?”_ _

__“Cap, you hate the cold.” She said, with a smirk._ _

__“One, I’m drunk for the first time in seventy years. So call me Steve.” He grinned at her warmly, making her blush slightly. “And two, I am also feeling wild and reckless. And hot. I think the mead makes me hot.”_ _

__“You’re always hot.” Emily replied. “But you knew that already.” She clapped her hand over her mouth, the blush getting deeper._ _

__He had a smirk on his face. “You think I’m hot?”_ _

__“I am also drunk, Steve. So you better believe you are hot.” She smiled at him, despite the fact that her face was on fire. “Are you really drunk?”_ _

__“Really really. It’s not like regular alcohol, or the serum is still doing something, but I haven’t felt like this…pretty much ever.” He paused. “I wasn’t a happy drunk before.”_ _

__“It’s good?”_ _

__“Yeah. But come outside?”_ _

__“Yeah, okay.” She refilled his drink, and hers, and picked up a blanket that was thrown over the back of the couch, all with the minimum of stumbling. “It’s really shit that my balance is the first thing to go when I’m drunk. I’m an agent, for God’s sake.”_ _

__He laughed. “But it’s cute.”_ _

__“Oh, low blow, Rogers.”_ _

__“What, me calling you cute?” He pushed the door open, causing a general murmur of displeasure from the other inhabitants of the room. It wasn’t that strenuous, as they were all pretty much trashed. The door clicked closed behind them._ _

__“Calling me cute while looking like that, with both of us drunk. Bad news.”_ _

__“Why bad?” He had the greatest smile on his face, as he leaned against the ledge of the balcony._ _

__“See, this is what I knew was there.” She put her drink down on the ledge._ _

__“What was there?”_ _

__“This guy who seems to actually know how to flirt without a tutorial.”_ _

__“Or maybe I just had a really good tutor.” He took a sip of the mead._ _

__She snorted. “Oh my God, what a line. But I appreciate the sentiment.”_ _

__“Do you have any idea what it was like before you had my back?”_ _

__She took another swig of her drink. “They were pieces of shit for not passing you to us sooner. Somehow Fury expected that you’d just adjust on your own. Piece of shit.” Her tone was surprisingly angry._ _

__“Hey now, it got fixed.” He reached over for her hand._ _

__“You just suffered needlessly, and that’s shit, Steve, you know?” She leaned her head back, looking up at the snow. “At least the snow quiets down the city a little.”_ _

__“It was never this loud. Or it was different loud. I can’t decide.”_ _

__“I bet it was different loud. And I bet you didn’t have to go so far for quiet.”_ _

__He huffed a laugh. “That’s for damn sure.”_ _

__A breeze ruffled them. He shivered a little._ _

__“Cold?”_ _

__“Nah, just the air passing over me. Also, you can share the blanket.” He said, letting go of her hand to make a grab for it. She put her drink back on the ledge. His mead seemed forgotten there as well._ _

__She moved closer to him, aware dimly, in the back of her mind, that she was invading his personal space. He was just watching her, so she took another step forward, and offered him the blanket. He took the blanket, unfolding it a little, and then pulling her closer to him, he wrapped it around the both of him. For a moment she was stunned, until she realized how warm he actually was._ _

__“There’s no way you’re actually cold, Rogers.” She murmured._ _

__“But you are.”_ _

__Her heart was hammering in her chest, even as she felt herself melting into him. He smelled so good, despite the strong smell of the spicy mead. It was him and it was intoxicating, more so than the drinks she had already had._ _

__She shifted position, and he wrapped his arms around her, and she leaned her head against his chest. It was silly how tall he was. Really._ _

__“Em?” His voice rumbled in his chest._ _

__“Yeah?” She didn’t move from her position, having a sense of what would happen if she looked up at him._ _

__“Do you regret Tony getting you assigned to me full time?”_ _

__“God no.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _


	6. Chapter 6

Session date: March 26, 2013 – transcript. CLASSIFIED. Not for use by anyone other than psychiatrist/psychologist or equal clearance. Not for use for determining fitness, either mental or physical. 

Rogers: Do you ever think about your family?

Willett: Of course.

Rogers: They’re in Chicago, right?

Willett: Yeah. It’s almost my parents twentieth anniversary of being there!

Rogers: Do you ever feel that the physical separation has you at a disadvantage in the relationship?

Willett: Sometimes. But part of the reason I stayed was to get a little distance and perspective. Plus, my sister and I look a lot alike – it’s probably easier for us to be at separate branches.

Rogers: That much alike?

Willett: We’re thirteen months apart. Different coloring, but basically the same features. My dad used to joke that they didn’t have anymore kids because they didn’t need a third Erin running around. 

Rogers: But you stayed in the family business.

Willett laughs. 

Willett: I did. Are we playing twenty questions?

Rogers: I just…I wanted to get some perspective on family. I didn’t have much in the way of a formal one after a certain point, and then the one I made for myself…didn’t last.

Willett: Bucky…Dr. Erksine…Peggy. 

Rogers: The rest of the Commandos even. I would have laid down my life for them, and they for me.

Willett: You did lay down your life for them. [pause, sound of fabric shifting]

Rogers: Darcy called it my “chosen family.”

Willett: Lots of people have that – do you think the rest of the Avengers are starting to fill that role for you?

Rogers: Yeah…I think so. 

(four days later)

There was no way around it: this mission was worse than annoying. It seemed, in fact, kind of bizarre. But her questions had gone either unanswered or dismissed, and thus, she’d suited up for a trek into northern Canada.

Really, it was the fact that she was on the mission at all. They needed someone to observe their target, to get enough information so that they could move. Her formal training included this kind of profiling, but since training in Agent Integration, she hadn’t been sent on a profiling mission. Particularly not in the middle of an active case. Somehow, though, it seemed that there was no one else on the continent that was qualified. 

Eventually, they reached the SHIELD observation post. She checked her pockets again, making sure she didn’t have any personal items on her. Her memory-wiped StarkPhone was in her apartment in the Tower – the last thing she had done with it was send a general message that she’d been assigned on a mission, and a short note to Steve with the contact info for her colleague if he needed someone. With a PS asking whether he’d ever been to Central Park Zoo. 

There was another one she’d left for him, in her Upon Death file. 

~~

She was leaving at 0600. Less than four hours from then, and less than eight hours after she’d gotten the new orders. The hour was late, the time was short. It always was. 

She needed to add something to her Upon Death file. The thought of it made her stomach turn. She wiped her hand over her face. 

Don’t leave shit undone before a mission, because you might not come back to fix it. Drilled into her in training. It was a rule. Much of what she wanted to say should remain unsaid. She wasn’t sure Steve could handle a confession of any sort from beyond the grave, but she wanted to say something. 

That mere fact probably should send her running for cover. 

“JARVIS, I need a really, really secure line. I need access to my Upon Death file.” 

There was a paused. “Access cleared. I will cease recording any information about this room until the end of your use of the file. If you need me, please access the emergency panel or repeat my name three times in rapid succession.”

“Thank you, JARVIS.” 

She pulled up the file, checking through the letters to family and friends. One each for her parents, her sister and her brother-in-law. There was even a short file addressed simply to “baby,” nested under the letters for Erin and James.  
She opened a blank file. Stared at it. Finally, she started writing. It was painstaking.

> Dear Steve, 
> 
> If you’re reading this, it means that I’ve been declared dead or missing in action for at least seven years. 
> 
> In either case, I’m so sorry, and I hope you find closure. 
> 
> The Upon Death file, in case you don’t know, is meant to give closure to family and friends. I’m not sure if that’s what I’m trying to give you, but the rule was if you feel like you have something to say, you do. 
> 
> Your case has meant a lot to me. Don’t get me wrong – despite my living in the Tower, I don’t really think it’s been my most involved case. It’s just that, I think this may be the first case where I’ve had to look at my client as a human first, since so many out there see you just as the symbol. That was really good for me. 
> 
> I want you to have a beautiful life. It’s hard with being Captain America – but you’ve paid your debt to society, however imaginary it was to begin with. You’ve saved the world more than once – they need you way more than you need them. Use that power to get the things you want most. Create a family, if you can. If I’m really honest, I think I’d have really liked to see that. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it in person, but I wish I could’ve just been your friend – sometime, in the future. 
> 
> Anyway, live a beautiful life. Live your life.

Four hours later, she was on the road to a Canadian outpost. 

~~

They arrived just in time for lunch, a warming mixture of meat and beans. The other agents, a large man named DiNozzo and a smaller man named Reiss, were grudging but respectful of her help. The driver, a Hispanic man who had introduced himself simply as ‘Horatio’, sat stonily to the side. 

She sat for hours, pouring over the surveillance tapes. The complex was vast, only one floor visible above ground but at least three underground, possibly more. Power, water, everything seemed to come from inside the building. She pulled room after room of surveillance, piecing the building together in her head, trying to find patterns as she looked at day after day of material. 

They had the least amount of material on what had been dubbed the “experimental rooms.” No one could identify a large portion of the equipment, but it looked science-related. Suddenly, she froze an image, her senses on high alert. 

“What the hell is that?”

“We’re not sure. They haven’t used it at all since we’ve been watching.” Reiss, sitting to the right of her, answered. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck. Okay, I know a lot more about what we’re dealing with. This is Red Room shit.” Her mind raced with possibilities, all of them bleak. She had had contact with the Red Room before, none of it pretty. 

At that moment, it seemed like the ceiling exploded. She looked at Reiss. “I think this was a trap. For me. I’m sorry.” 

The world exploded. 

~~

Emily woke up. Slowly, she registered that she had not expected to wake up. Her head hurt badly, and she ached all over, but she was alive. She was also tied down. 

Lying still, she listened, trying to determine what she could about her surroundings. They were inside, and there was some kind of climate control. There was no way of knowing whether they were in the building the SHIELD outpost had been observing or somewhere else. She could literally be anywhere. 

She heard footsteps and the door opening.

“Is she awake yet?” A rough voice asked. 

“If she isn’t, she will be soon. The trauma to her head was not severe.” A second voice, older and slightly accented, answered. 

“Is she the one we are looking for?” The younger voice asked.

“I believe so.” The older one replied.

“She knows about Captain America?”

“She is his personal psychologist. She knows everything.” 

“Good. Very good. She will give us what we need.”

There was a slight pause, and then the two men left the room.

~~

She waited, feeling herself coming in and out of consciousness. She reckoned that it had been several hours. By the lack of change in lighting, she decided there were no windows nearby. If it was the building they had been observing, it was likely they were underground.

“We will wake her.” The younger voice from before said.

“Yes sir. If she is not awake, she will be.”

She felt a needle go into her arm, and she felt the rush of adrenaline.

“You could have asked.” She said, opening her eyes. She couldn’t move her head to look at him. 

“But this way, we start with you already a little off balance. Which is good.”

“I don’t have any information. I don’t go on missions anymore.”

“Oh, we don’t need information from SHIELD. We need information of a very specific kind. We need to know about Captain America.”

“I don’t know anything about special about him.” She replied. Plausible deniability was all she needed. 

“I do not believe you. You live in the so-called Avengers Tower, sponsored by Tony Stark. Captain America lives there as well, in the same area as you. Your assignment is strictly to him – you were relieved of your other duties to take care of him.”

If her heart had not already been racing from the shot, it likely would have started then. Despite her living situation being an open secret, that was close enough to her actual assignment that it made her worry. _Who were these people?_

“I am not assigned to him. Your information is incorrect. I serve at the pleasure of Tony Stark.”

They laughed. “We do not believe you. You will regret not taking this opportunity to just speak for yourself.”

“I doubt that very much.”

“Sergei, prepare the serum.” The younger one commanded. There was a rustling noise.

“I’m no use to you dead.”

“This will not kill you, madam. It will make you speak.” The older one, apparently Sergei, said.

She felt it go in her arm, burning in her arm. She couldn’t help the soft yelp she gave.

“Good. It will burn, and then the truth will burn to come out of your lips.” The older one laughed. “Now, tell me about Captain America.”

She felt her brain go fuzzy and fought to regain control. She started way at the beginning, trying to find things that would be less useful. She had no desire to reveal details about Steve to these men. She just needed to stall, wait for another option to present itself.

“Captain America came about during World War II.” Blood was pounding in her ears. “He was an experiment. The creator of the experiment was killed shortly afterward, and although there have been attempts to replicate it, no one has succeeded.” 

“What does this have to do with the Captain America now? They cannot be the same man!”

She kept talking, feeling her breath getting shallower. “Because he was unique, he was sent to very successfully sell war bonds around America. Then he went on a USO tour around Europe. During a stop, he learned that one of his childhood friends, like a brother to him, was taken. He rescued the men, and through several other missions dealt a severe blow to the Nazis and other enemies.” She was starting to have trouble breathing – either the adrenaline was making her anxious or something else was going on.

“This is ancient history.”

She stayed with the safe topics, the things he might have found out anyway. “During a fateful mission against a man named Dr. Schmidt, the plane he was in crashed into the Artic. He was never heard from again, and presumed dead. Howard Stark, a friend, looked for him for years, but was unsuccessful.” She gulped air between sentences. 

“Why is she giving us a history lesson?!” The young man was growing more and more upset. 

“I don’t know. I’ve not seen this reaction before. Often they talk garbage for a little while before they give us what we ask for – they resist and therefore speak gibberish. This is very unusual.”

“I’m having a little trouble breathing.” She finally admitted, wary of asking for help, but seeing no choice. 

The older man mumbled something in a language she couldn’t recognize, as her eyes started to water. She felt an oxygen monitor go onto her finger and then the alarm almost immediately start going off. 

“Shit.” There was some scrambling and she felt a nasal cannula being inserted in her nose, something else being injected into her veins. After a moment, she was breathing slightly easier, feeling more awake. It also helped the serum work its true effect – if they let her talk, she was going to give them everything. 

“What happened?”

“A reaction to the serum? Something between the adrenaline and the body and the serum? It’s an inexact science. But I will have to keep her on oxygen – without adequate supply, the next steps could damage her beyond what we need.”

With the mention of next steps, Emily’s stomach dropped. 

The younger man snorted and addressed her. “Can you breath now?”

The compulsion to answer was strong. “Yes.” 

“Now, tell me what you know about Captain America!”

She closed her eyes again, focusing, and then opened them again. “Captain America was presumed dead under the ice in the Artic. The heat of the airplane hitting the ice melted it and then resealed it. There was little hope of finding a body.” She took another deep breath, less frantic. “He was not dead. He was frozen. The serum had allowed him to stay alive, as though he were in a cryogenic tube, rather than die from exposure.”

She heard someone step toward the bed. “When did they find him?”

“This past May. Just about a year ago.” She felt herself wishing she could tell them whatever they wanted, and berating herself all at the same time. 

In that moment, the lights went out, bathing the room in pitch darkness. The building went deathly quiet and almost all of the restraints opened. Those that were left were fabric, rather than metal. Her oxygen stopped flowing as well, leaving her a little lightheaded. She pulled the cannula out of her nose with her newly freed hands. She lifted her head, but the darkness prevented her from seeing her assailants or much of her surroundings.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t the generators online?” A moment later, a few meager lights came on, casting shadows in every direction. “Those aren’t all of them!”

They were in shadow, but she could see the two men now. The younger one wore some kind of black uniform, while the older was in a lab coat. Neither were looking at her, but rather at the doorway, through which they could see into the hall. 

“We must check the reactors downstairs.” The younger one, clearly military and clearly in charge, said. “If she can’t breath, she can’t move.” He looked at her. “You will stay and wait to answer questions.”

She nodded, trying to look obedient. 

They left, without a backward glance, the door clasping shut behind them in a way she didn’t like. Working quickly, she unbuckled the straps on her chest, thighs and ankles. The weight of the leather and metal made her think that it might have been the original restraints on the bed. Sliding quickly off, she froze as the lights came back on, clamping the electronic restraints shut. Close. 

A set of booms on the other side of the building made her feel less self-congratulatory. 

She made a quick inventory: all of her pockets and equipment pouches were empty. The Captain America necklace was still there, a comforting weight between her breasts. It meant that they had likely not done a strip search. The better for her – it left her with a few options.

There was another set of booms, closer this time, shaking the floor a little, dislodging dust into the air. Moving towards the door, she found it locked, and coughed as she tried to jiggle the handle. She was still short of breath, and the dust from the explosions was not helping.

The next boom was ominously closer, much louder. Her ears were ringing, the sound reminding her of Tony’s repulsor lifts on the Iron Man suit. Grabbing the now non-functional oxygen canister from beside the bed, she started trying to break through the window. It was big enough that if she could break enough of it, she could get through without having to open the door. 

She swung the oxygen canister, and at the moment she hit the window, the floor started falling out underneath her. A deafening boom, and she realized that whatever was happening had now hit her. She dropped the canister and lunged toward the back of the room, as the wall containing the door started sagging into the gapping hole underneath. She fell, grabbing the leg of the table, which was relatively stable as it was bolted to the floor. If it went, she was gone anyway. The metal cut into her hand, and she swore as she realized pieces of concrete were falling from the ceiling. Something heavy hit her leg and she felt another, terrifying jolt of adrenaline. The pain was unbelievable. 

“Emily!” A mechanical voice called to her. 

She twisted around as best she could, choking on mouthfuls of dust as the ceiling continued to settle. “Tony?”

The Iron Man suit was hovering next to her, and he popped open the facemask. “We turned off the power. Apparently it made something go boom.” 

“How did you find me?”

“The necklace. Steve had me install a tracking device.” He paused. “I might have suggested it.”

“Brilliant.” She coughed again, alerting her to the pain in her leg and the pain in her everywhere. “Can we get out of here? My leg – my hands – I’m having trouble breathing…” 

He popped the facemask down. “I have Agent Willett and she’s injured. Bringing her back to the Quinjet ASAP.” He pulled the concrete off her leg, not commenting on what she was sure was a not good sight. They maneuvered together to get her into his arms, but by the time they arrived at the jet, she was getting woozy.

She was aware of being placed on a gurney, and aware that Natasha was hovering. The last thing she heard was, “Why are her lips blue?”


	7. Chapter 7

Captain America was pacing. 

This wasn’t Steve, it was Captain America – he was still in his uniform, exuding the authority that he had in that persona. Except he was clearly agitated, rather than calm. The hallways of the SHIELD facility weren’t busy, but he still looked like a caged animal. Natasha was watching in what could be classified as amusement if the situation weren’t so serious. His reaction was fascinating. 

Emily had passed out almost before she had arrived at the Quinjet, and it had been a very tense flight to the nearest facility, which happened to be New York. It had taken some quick thinking to keep her alive long enough to get them here. 

Bruce walked back to them, having spoken to one of the nurses. Steve stopped, expectantly. 

“They think she’s out of danger – they’ve moved on to repairing her leg.”

“Do they think they’ll save it?” He asked. 

“They seem confident. They’re actually talking about bringing in her dad. He’s SHIELD’s expert on reattaching limbs, but he’s in Chicago.” Bruce replied.

“Reattaching limbs? I’m fairly sure…” Steve’s voice trailed off. 

“When can he get here?” Natasha asked.

“Well, it’s a two hour flight from Chicago.” A gruff, older voice interrupted the conversation. “Who here can give me the best description of what happened?” 

Steve suddenly had every air of Captain America. “Steve Rogers, sir.”

“Special Agent Dr. Andrew Willett. Head of SHIELD’s Special Surgery Unit.” He was a tall man, in late middle age, with a strong handshake. And Emily had his eyes. 

The man nodded. “Heard she was working with you. So, who’s the best person to talk to?”

Bruce brought Tony back. “He found her, and brought her back to the quinjet.”

“Ah, Mr. Stark.” 

“Do I know you?” Tony asked, looking at him curiously. 

“I know you by reputation. I’m here to continue the surgery on Emily, and I hear you found her.” He looked at him, expecting an answer.

“Yes sir. What do you need to know?”

~~

(Three days after the mission)

“Your dad’s a badass.” Tony was sitting at the side of the hospital bed, munching cashews.

“How can I disagree, Tony? He just reattached most of my lower left leg.” Emily was sitting up in the hospital bed, her leg in traction.

“No, but he just knows his stuff. Not bad for an old guy.” He said. 

“Yeah, they do pretty well for himself. My mom would’ve come to assist but my sister is going to go into labor any minute, so she stayed home.”

“What, is she his nurse?”

“If by nurse, you mean the Head of SHIELD’s Trauma division in Chicago, then yes.”

“What does your sister do? Wait, let me guess, she’s the principle designer of those new artificial limbs I keep hearing about that are coming out of Chicago.”

“Actually?”

“You’re shitting me.” Tony looked at her, his expression one of appraisal. 

“She’s on maternity leave now?” She said, her voice light.

Tony leaned forward in his chair. “Wait, does that make you the slacker that didn’t get your medical degree?”

“That makes me the slacker that got a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology, why?” She said, with a laugh. 

“Just checking.”

~~

(Later that day)

“Natasha told me to bring food.” Steve said, carrying a bag with the label of her favorite gyro place.

“Natasha is my personal hero.” She said, with a smile. 

“I’d be offended but I agree with you.” 

She laughed. “It’s a treat!”

“Yeah?” He looked at her. 

“Please. Who else gets their favorite food delivered to them in the hospital by Captain America?”

He looked at her funny for a second. “Captain America, huh?”

“It sounds more impressive than my good friend Steve.” She paused. “Although I suppose since you’re out of uniform it isn’t an official visit.” She pulled the bag closer, inspecting the contents and dolling out the sandwiches. There were four, which meant Steve had brought enough to share.

He looked at her, his eyes a little more earnest than she expected. “Did Tony tell you that I waited out there in my uniform?”

“Not at all. Did you do that?” Her voice was a little softer. 

His expression was so serious she stopped messing with the bag of food.

“I waited until we knew you were safe, that you were going to live. Bruce brought over some clothes for me. It wasn’t until your dad arrived that we were sure that you were really going to be okay.”

“But you brought me in alive. I read the charts and everything.” She held out her hand, and he took it, sitting heavily in the chair next to her bed. It was only then that she noticed the evidence of tiredness on his face.

“You were alive, but I didn’t know how much of that was the machines. Natasha put you on oxygen right away, had given you some medication already. They brought more machinery up when we got here – and you were so still and so quiet.”

He sighed, pulling his hand from hers to use it to scrub his face. She took it back into her hand when he was done. “I kept thinking, over and over in my head, that in the forties, you would have been dead. Any situation remotely similar, and you would have been a goner.”

“How do you mean?”

“We never would have found you. Or if we knew where you were, we couldn’t have gotten there in time. Or if we did, we couldn’t have rescued you – Tony picked you up off of a crumbling floor because his suit enables him to fly. Or there wouldn’t have been enough medical equipment to keep you alive on board. I think my favorite part was realizing that even if all of that had happened within ten feet of a hospital, the combination of the bleeding leg wound and severe allergic reaction probably would have killed you anyway, or made you crippled for life – either from lack of oxygen or because you would’ve lost a good chunk of your leg.”

“That’s…really sobering. That’s what you were thinking about?”

“I just felt, I think maybe for the first time, that there were things here that weren’t just different but were really, fundamentally better, without ambiguity. We’ve talked about the problems with hospitals in America, but it was 21st century knowledge that saved you.” He sighed, placing his other hand over their joined hands. “I kept thinking about how I might lose another friend.”

Emily felt tears prick her eyes. 

“Knock, knock! How’s my favorite patient?”

Emily rolled her eyes, surreptitiously wiping away the tear that snuck down her cheek. “Dad, you’ve been saying that since I was 8 and I had that reaction to the bug bite.”

“Well, you do get the best reactions between you and your sister.” He looked at Steve, who had moved his hand away from Emily’s when her father had entered. “Good to see you, son.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Now, son, I know you spend a lot of time with Emily, but she and I are scheduled for a Skype date with her mother and sister, so maybe you could come back in a little bit? One of the perks of us all working with SHIELD – we can have secure calls in the hospital.” He said with a wink. 

Emily picked up the food bag, gesturing to Steve with it. “You should take this – I grabbed what was mine. I really appreciate you coming and bringing it with you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow maybe?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d really like to see you.” 

Steve walked out. Her father waited a beat and then another. 

“He’s very good looking.”

“Dad.”

“And he seems to be very conscious. He brought you food?”

“Natasha told him to. Natasha can, she’s a former client. I don’t do anything for her anymore.”

“There was just something in the way he looked at you.”

“He thought I was dying. He’s lost a lot of people – I think the idea was hard on him.”

“I have a sense, Emily, that you need to find out if it was maybe particularly about you. And if it is, you may need to do something about it.” His voice was terse. 

She looked at him. “Yeah?”

“He is your client, Emily. You would have to report it. Take yourself off the case.”

She stayed silent for a moment. “I’ll take it under consideration.” 

He looked at her seriously. “See that you do.”

~~

The next morning, just as she was trying to decide between reruns of Futurama and a Firefly marathon, Darcy, Jane and Thor arrived. 

“We bring flowers! Lady Jane tells me this is an appropriate gift for a comrade in arms who is in hospital.” Thor bellowed, presenting an array of pretty pink flowers.

“It’s not really flowers, it’s a plant – you can bring it home with you.” Jane said, her eyes kind.

“It’s awesome, thank you! Maybe put it on the window sill so it has sun and I can see it?”

“How’s this?” Jane asked, positioning it on the vent of the air conditioner. 

“Perfect.”

By the end of the visit, Thor had regaled them with tales from his childhood of scrapes they had gotten into, Jane had told the story of her broken arm from racing her bicycle against her cousin, and Darcy admitted to getting stitches on her first day of high school after sliding into home base during PE. 

Jane and Thor excused themselves, while Darcy decided to stay and order lunch with her. 

“I love that they let you order in to the SHIELD hospital.”

“It’s better than having grumpy agents.” Emily replied with a laugh. 

“So are you really okay?”

“I’m sorry?” That had not been the question she was expecting. 

“Like, you’re not just making nice for Thor and Jane?”

She looked at Darcy. “Do I strike you as a person who would do that?”

“I dunno. Maybe. I mean – I dunno.” She was stumbling over her words. 

“Are YOU okay?” Emily asked, wondering what the heck was going on. 

“I think so. I mean, maybe. I mean. Okay, I’m sorry this is going to be the most awkward conversation, but I needed to talk to someone about it.”

“What’s it about?”

“Oh the usual. A boy.”

“A boy?”

“Well, man. I seem to have a type.”

Emily eyed her. If this was going to turn into a conversation about Steve, she was going to be super uncomfortable immediately. “A type?”

“Superheroes.”

“Aside from Steve?”

She nodded, looking kind of miserable. “So, after the Valentine’s party, Peter and I started hanging out.” 

“Okay…” 

“And it was really fun. Like, we clicked so nicely. Not that I didn’t enjoy Steve, but this seemed easier. I feel like a good relationship could be easier than that.” Darcy said.

“Sometimes, not always.” She looked at Darcy. “So what’s going on?”

“Oh, the usual. He’s Spiderman.”

Emily stared. “I’m sorry, did you just say, ‘he’s Spiderman.’” She made air quotes around the word spiderman.

Darcy nodded. 

“As in, vigilante that SHIELD has been interested in for the last like, four years?”

Darcy nodded. 

“As in, Tony Stark brought him to the dinner party and no one knew who he was. Including Tony?”

“I think Pepper might have known.” Darcy said, her voice small.

“Well, that does take the cake.” She looked at her. “What are you going to do?”

She shook her head. “I have no idea. I went from one indestructible boyfriend who clearly wasn’t the one for me, to a slightly less indestructible boyfriend who…” She sighed. “I spend a lot of time with Jane and Thor. They are the very definition of star-crossed lovers, right?”

Emily nodded. “Yeah?”

“So my standards of what true love looks like are pretty high, yeah?”

“That makes sense.”

“But the thing is, I’m not sure it looks like that for everyone.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like, they have this grand love affair, but I’m like, I don’t need a man from across time and space or whatever. I need someone who gets me in ways that are just ridiculous.

“I’m sure that love is different between couples.” She paused. “Heck, I’m not sure there’s one standard for each person. Each love, I think, would be different, because you’re different each time you fall in love, and you fall in love with a different person. They might be related feelings, but…”

“But it doesn’t always look how you expect.”

Emily shook her head. “It absolutely doesn’t.” 

Something about her tone caused Darcy to look over. “Is there…is there someone…?” Darcy’s mind seemed to be racing with the possibilities. 

“Steve!” Emily said, as he walked in, smiling. He looked surprised to see the two of them together, having a powwow.

“Am I interrupting something?

Darcy looked between the two of them, and looked at her hands for a moment, before looking at them again. “No, we were just chatting. Making sure she’s feeling okay.” She said, her tone light.

“And is she?” He asked. 

“So she says.” Darcy smiled. “If you’ll excuse me, Pepper has a big meeting later that I need to brief her for. I’ll see you guys later.”

She slipped out and Steve looked at Emily.

“Is she okay?”

Emily looked at the door. “Yeah, she’s doing just fine.”


	8. Chapter 8

Nearly three weeks in the hospital would make anyone cranky. By the time Emily was allowed to leave (still in wheelchair), she had talked to Pepper and Tony multiple times about making adjustments to her living space. Despite that, she was surprised to find that two floors down, Tony had renovated one of the smaller gyms into a rehabilitation center. He tried to say that it was for specialized training, but she knew better. Let it not be said that Tony didn’t take care of those who were under his care. 

Two days after getting settled at home, Emily found a tall woman being interrogated by Natasha. 

“I’m Kate, your physical therapist. Your friend Natasha has made sure I’m up to snuff.” Natasha stood looking satisfied.

“She checks out.” Was all she said before she disappeared. 

“When they said Avenger’s Tower, I suppose I should have expected something like that, right?” Kate said, good-naturedly.

“She’s protective, what can I say? Better to have her as a friend.”

Kate snorted. “I can imagine.” She wheeled her over to some of the equipment. “You ready to work hard?”

“Yes ma’am.” 

As it turned out, Kate was something of a drill sergeant. She was patient, but she pushed Emily hard – not that Emily was averse to pain, but Kate ran the edge to make sure that Emily had basic functionality as soon as possible. 

Every few days, one Avenger or another popped in, seeming to check that Kate was still doing her job. If she felt the suspicion, she’s too much of a professional to say anything. However, Emily had a strong suspicion that her favorite mornings were the mornings when Bruce came by. Bruce, in his soft-spoken way, talked to her about her method, her practice, how she got into being a SHIELD physical therapist (turns out she used to be an Agent). It was nice to watch him interact with someone outside of the residents of the Tower with something resembling confidence. 

~~

Early on Easter morning, Steve walked into the common lounge and stopped in his tracks. There, on the couch, was the perfect picture. Emily has fallen asleep on the couch with her new nephew snuggled in her arms. Her face was the perfect picture of contentment. 

Her sister Erin, brother in law James and baby Asher had arrived on Friday, and it had been a weekend of getting to know the family. James, a SHIELD handler, reminded him of Phil in a way – if Phil were 30 years old, and married. Erin did look very similar to Emily, sometimes in ways that Emily didn’t see – they sat next to each other on the couch to watch a movie and spent the entire time mirroring each other’s body positions. 

It had been unsettling, a little, to see that – and to know exactly where they differed as well. He’d caught himself smiling to himself more than once over the weekend, and had justified it the same way he’d justified a lot of things over the last few weeks: she was his friend, and he was allowed to care about her. He knew better than to question how much. 

The baby stirred, and so did Emily, who smiled and waved him over to sit down. He complied, smiling as well. “Seems like he likes you.”

“He probably can see the resemblance to his mom.”

Steve chuckled as he sat down. “It’s possible.”

“Nah, they’re more about smell at this point.” She looked at him again. “Where are you going all dressed up?” The baby stirred a little, and Emily switched his position again. 

“Went. I went to early morning mass.” 

She smiled at him. “How was it?”

“In English. But aside from that okay. I thought about what you said about finding the Latin one, but I knew I’d be more anonymous in a larger setting. Not that there were many people there, but people weren’t chatty.”

“I’m glad. You going to have brunch with us?”

He nodded. “Although I’m still getting over that your sister is allergic to pork products.”

“Her tongue swells. It’s kind of weird.”

The baby shifted a little, and Emily rubbed his back, letting him snuggle back in.

“Is it weird to have a nephew?”

“When we were kids, we talked about going on missions together. It wasn’t a normal childhood, growing up in SHIELD. But we had plans. And then, we got to high school and it became clear that we had different talents, different aptitudes.” 

“You’ve been on a lot more missions than her.”

“We’ve only ever done one together. It was a long time ago. And then she got assigned to Chicago, and they set us up in New York…it could be worse. It could be international, or something. And while what we’re both doing is often classified, neither of us is often undercover.”

“Small favors.” He looked at her leg, propped up on an ottoman. “How’s the leg this morning?”

“It didn’t like trying to play on the floor with this one. It was lucky he was ready for a nap. Feels better now that I have it up.” She smiled at him. “You know what I want to know, though?”

“What?”

“How Tony pulled guest quarters in the Tower for them with two days notice.”

“Money. That’s the only answer I could get out of Pepper. She has that enigmatic smile she gives when she wants to be mysterious.”

“I guess we’ll just take her word for it.” She replied, with a laugh. 

~~

(one month later)

“Can you drive?”

“Of course I can drive. Like Tony would let me take one of the cars without a license.” Steve said with a smile.

“But you won’t say where we’re going?”.

“I promise it’s nowhere bad.”

“Well, that’s good. I appreciate it. SHIELD might not look kindly on you kidnapping an agent, even if you are Captain America.”

He laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. It’s your reward for getting rid of your crutches.”

She mimed whacking him with the newly-acquired cane. “Awesome! So, is it a museum?” She asked, in her best wheedling voice.

“No, I’m not telling you. It’s a surprise.”

“I’m going to guess based on where we’re going, you know.”

“How’s that, miss I-never-leave-the-tower-or-HQ?”

“Haven’t you heard, Steve? I’m a spy.” She looked at him with a totally straight face, and he cracked up laughing. 

“Yes, you are a spy.”

They lapsed into silence, as they drove toward the east side of Central Park. A smile crept up her face.She glanced over at Steve, and realized he was watching her. 

“You figured it out, didn’t you?”

“Well, it’s either Central Park Zoo or the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I’m assuming the Met might be too much walking.”

The car swerved, narrowly missing being hit by a cab, and he grabbed her arm to steady her. She tried incredibly hard to ignore the spark that raced up her arm from his touch. 

They paid admission, and they walked slowly toward the sea lions. 

“I’ve been here before, you know. You asked me in a text right before you left.”

“I remember. And you never could answer, I guess.” She paused, as one of the sea lions barked. “What was it like then?” She asked. 

“Smaller. Much more depressing, now that I think about it.”

“I want to show you the aviary.” She said, her voice a little quiet. He looked at her. 

“I want to see whatever you want to.” 

She nodded, took a breath and smiled. “I’d say I’d race you there, but even on a good day you’d beat me.” He laughed.

The aviary was filled with school children when they arrived. They looked about in fourth grade, and were buzzing around, trying to fill out a worksheet about the aviary and generally making a racket. Emily and Steve hung back, watching the kids and the birds. Two little girls, both with darker olive skin, walked over to them.

“Don’t worry, I think we’ll be leaving soon.” The taller one said, looking at the two of them.

“It’s okay, we’re not in a rush.”

“That’s good. You on a date?” Asked the shorted one. 

She shook her head. “I just got off of crutches after I broke my leg. He brought me here to celebrate.”

The taller girl looked at them. “He looks like he wants to hold your hand.”

Emily grinned, looking at Steve, who had turned a little pink. “Does he?”

“He do.” She looked at Steve. “I think you should hold her hand, mister. She’s pretty.”

Steve shrugged, and took her hand. “This okay?”

~~

(Fourth of July weekend)

“So Tony decided to bring us out here for your birthday?” Emily asked Steve, as they sat on the plane to Cape Cod. 

“Apparently Stark bought that huge place. Wants to get his money’s worth.” Natasha said, with a smile. “Besides, it’s warm enough to melt your face out there. And you’ve been cleared to swim.”

“That’s not the point. Steve, did you have any say in this?”

He laughed. “Not really, but Tony wanted to do something nice. And it is nice to get out of the city again.”

“Even though you didn’t have control over the guestlist?”

“There are enough people I like to make it not matter that Tony invited half the celebrities in New York.”

~~

The house was bigger than Emily remembered, possibly because she wasn’t paying attention the house last time, only the grounds. This time, she was given a suite of rooms to use, and was enjoying the feel of sunshine on her face. It really was nice to get out of the city for a while. 

She kept the thought that she had to go back on active duty on Monday as far out of her mind as possible. This had been an island of unreality, and if she was true to herself, there were some ugly truths she was going to have to face sooner rather than later.  
Like the fact that she had remained in very close contact with Steve, despite the fact that she wasn’t working with him anymore. That they had, in fact, gotten much closer as friends in the last three months than she really should have allowed. And that they should have probably gone back to working together much earlier – just because she couldn’t pass the SHIELD basic test, she could have gone on light duty and been fine. But she hadn’t wanted to, and there was no one around to push her. 

Now, though, wasn’t the time to think about it. She pulled a sundress over her turquoise bathing suit, just as a knock sounded at the door. 

“Hey Emily, apparently they’re organizing a volleyball tournament on the beach if you’re interested?” It was Steve’s voice. She opened the door to him. 

“Did Tony buy you that bathing suit?” She said, her voice full of mirth. It was the star spangled banner. He spun around to show it off – there was an eagle across the back.

“He didn’t. I found it and thought it would be funny.”

She looked up at him, aware for not the first time how far he had come. “It is funny. Let’s go to the beach. I’m not sure I’m up for volleyball, but I’d love to see if the ocean is swimmable.”

As it turned out, it was, and it turned out that a lot of people were willing to follow her example once she was in the water. She looked over at Steve, who was treading water with the best of them. 

“So, how did Steve Rogers learn to swim?”

“Army.” He said. “I was too sick for anyone to let me into a swimming pool before that.”

“I took lessons as a kid. It was my favorite thing over the summer. Erin kept getting swimmers ear, so it was nice to have something for myself for a change.”

“You talk about having to get away from her the whole time, but you guys are so much alike still.”

“I know. It’s the thing about siblings. They’re still a part of you, for better or for worse, and sometimes, like us, there’s a lot that’s shared.”

~~

Later in the evening, after sun and goofing around, and a barbecue that would satisfy all palates (as long as all of those palates enjoyed meat), Emily was pulled aside by Natasha. “Friends and family bonfire happening in about an hour.”

Smores, it seemed, had transferred the generations without trouble. Steve was well on his way to his second helping by the time Emily made it outside. 

“So, how much of the alcohol do you think it’ll take to kill my liver, given the amount of pain medication I was just on?”

“Your liver’s fine – your last dose was three days ago.” Bruce piped up. He blushed. “Kate told me. She was proud.”

“It was one of my requirements for graduating, and going back on active duty.”

There was a pause in the group. Tony piped up. “You’re going back on duty?”

“Had to happen sometime. Although I’ve been promised no mysterious trips to the frozen tundra.” Everyone laughed. Still, something had changed in the air. 

Steve had a bottle of something in his hand. “Is that the mead?” She asked.

“Jane had the idea to bottle some to bring us with. I think she finds Thor funny when he’s drunk.”

“That’s because he’s hilarious. And I still can’t believe you don’t get hangovers.”

“Positive: No hangovers. Negative: can only get drunk on alien booze. Seems like a fair trade.” 

She laughed. The group was chatting amongst themselves – Thor, Jane, Peter and Darcy were playing some kind of drinking game, while Pepper was feeding Tony s’mores. Natasha and Clint seemed to be making some kind of tactical plan for invading the beach and Bruce…Bruce seemed to be texting someone. 

“Hey Bruce?” He almost dropped the phone.

“Yeah, Emily?”

“Tell Kate hi.”

“What makes you…” his voice petered out. “Yeah, I’ll say hi.”

An hour later, all tactical planning seemed forgotten, as Clint brought out his guitar and they started with some folk songs. Most of them were new to Steve, but he caught on pretty well. It helped that the mead had loosened him up a little. After the second run through of American Pie, Steve looked over at her.

“You think your leg can handle a walk on the beach?”

“I’m not in pain. Besides, even if I were, alcohol is great.”

He rolled his eyes. “We’re a good pair.” He helped her up, and just kept her hand, and Emily felt all the butterflies in her stomach erupt at once. Drunk, she knew how much trouble she was in with him. 

She stopped on the beach, the moon shining down on them. He looked at her, and she resisted the urge to kiss him, satisfying it by leaning against him as they watched the ocean. 

It was quite a bit later when they arrived back at the mansion. 

“I guess everyone’s asleep?” She said. 

He nodded. “Seems that way. I had a nice walk."

“It was good, wasn’t it?” She walked up the few steps to the door to her wing, but he stayed down, slowly pulling her back. Up two steps, they were basically face-to-face. He pulled her just a little closer. 

“Goodnight, Emily.” He said, leaning over to kiss her. It felt amazing.

“Happy birthday, Steve.” She had a goofy grin on her face. 

The sense of euphoria left her when she arrived back in her room. The path forward was clear. The outcome? Well, she didn’t want to think too hard about that. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Emily raked a hand through her hair, pulling it into a ponytail. It was four in the morning, but despite being tired, sleep had eluded her. She knew too well what she had to do in the morning, and it had kept her awake. She wanted a hot chocolate, something from her childhood to soothe her, but she didn’t have the ingredients in her apartment. So, it was creeping around the Tower in the dark.

As she put the finishing touches on the drink, she realized that there was noise coming from her office. She opened the door, and found the menu screen of a DVD playing on the large screen. It was some cartoon – Thor’s genre preference, but late-night movies were not his style. She sipped her cocoa, and then put it on the table to go turn off the DVD player. She stopped suddenly, realizing the subject of her thoughts was asleep on the couch. He was wrapped in a fleece blanket that had migrated there during her recovery, and totally asleep. 

She shifted slightly, watching closely for any sign that he was awake. None came. His breath was even, his body stayed relaxed. She missed the telltale bending of one toe, wrapped in fleece and hidden from view. She kneeled in front of him, bringing herself even with his sleeping face. Her cocoa sat forgotten in her hands, her mouth dry. She worried her tongue for a moment before whispering.

“I just want you to know…” She paused. “I just want you to know…that whatever happens next. I really loved working with you.” She blew out a breath, her heart racing. “I really liked all the time we spent together, and I am so proud of everything you have been able to accomplish in such a small amount of time.” Her eyes were burning. “I know that you don’t feel it all the time, but I can see it. And so can all of your teammates. You’ve done an amazing job adapting and putting your life back together.” Her mouth   
worked silently for a few moments. She considered making the ultimate confession, but couldn’t do it. 

“I’m so sorry for what I have to do. It is my duty, and should have been done already, despite the fact that I was on medical leave. Delay only makes it worse. I hope you understand that I don’t mean to hurt you.” She sighed, scrubbing her face. “I’m just so sorry it ended up like this.” She paused for another moment, and then, in one swift movement, wiped one tear from her cheek, got to her feet, and moved out of the room. 

On the couch, Steve Rogers opened his eyes, with no sign he had been sleeping. He had heard her confession, every word, and struggled valiantly to keep his eyes closed as something in him had realized that she would stop talking if she realized he was awake. He hadn't understood everything she had said, but he was worried about her. 

"What are you going to do, Emily?" He asked himself. 

~~

He hadn’t been able to find Emily. It was like she had vanished. JARVIS didn’t know where she was, and the only other person awake was Tony in his workshop. 

Suddenly, two Priority One messages came through. He sat down at his computer in his apartment, his heart racing. He knew that this was it. The first was procedural, something about the newest mission that the Avengers were planning. The second was from Agent Integration. Emily’s department. It was a memo.

>   
> To: Captain Steven G. Rogers  
> Fr: Agent Integration  
> RE: Psychiatrist Assignment  
> Captain Rogers,  
> Please be informed that as of 0900 this morning you are no longer under the care of Agent Emily Willett.   
> Your case with readjustment is now being handled by Randy L. O'Reilly, Ph.D. He will contact you to schedule your first appointment. Dr. Willett's files are being transferred to his care, to ensure a continuity of care.   
> Thank you for your continued cooperation.   
> 

He started at the message uncomprehendingly. What had happened? Had she dumped him as a patient? Had he not heard anything, it would have been strange, but given what she had said…he couldn’t think of a rational explanation.

There was another message there, from Emily. A voice message. Her voice was soft, a little harsh. The timestamp told him that it had been recorded not long after their encounter in the TV room.

>   
> Cap,  
> Don't worry, Randy's a good guy. I made sure you got the best. Your notes are available for you to read, if you want to edit what Dr. O'Reilly gets. I don't really suggest it, but I trust your judgment, Captain. They're in your personnel file. This is for the best. Just remember that.   
> 

The recording cut off.

He sighed, hitting the speed dial key. It was just past 6AM, but Agent Coulson’s face appeared on the monitor nevertheless.

“How can I help you this morning, Cap?” He looked as unperturbed as usual. 

“Emily went back on duty and then was reassigned.”

“Yes.”

“What do you know about that?” Steve kept his voice even, with difficulty. 

“Pending an investigation, Agent Willett has been taken off her cases. Some…misdeeds have come to light.”

“Misdeeds? By who? Emily?” He felt his mind race. He had been her only assignment in the last few months – heck, he was the only contact she’d had with her SHIELD work since the mission. Had she done wrong? Had she done something for him that was against the rules? 

“I’m afraid I’m not allowed at present to disclose that information. A pending investigation means that the details are confidential between her and her supervisors.” 

“But…” Steve recognized the tone of voice as final, solid. There would be no answers from this quarter. 

“She’s a capable agent, Captain. I’m sure whatever this is will be sorted out soon.” He paused. “I’m sure it’s no reflection on you.” 

He nodded. “Thank you, Phil.”

“I’m sorry I can’t give you more.”

“I understand.” Steve pressed the end button, pressing his hand on his eyes. He came to a decision. Pulling himself out of his chair, he squared his shoulders. 

He tried again at her apartment. He felt like asking JARVIS if her things were still there, but he couldn’t do it. Somehow he felt that if she had moved out, all hope of his seeing her again was lost. He felt his mind racing. He needed a plan. He needed to burn off some energy. 

Thor arrived at the gym about 15 minutes after Steve. 

“Brother Steve, are you unwell?”

He was already punching a punching bag with all his might. “Emily got reassigned.” He punched the bag again. “And I can’t find her to talk about it.” He punched again. “I needed to burn off some steam before trying to think of a plan.”

“Does Son of Coul not know how to get in touch with her?”

Steve stopped for a moment, the bag swinging wildly. “She is apparently under investigation for something.”

“Surely your Emily could not have done wrong.” Steve looked away at the use of the term “his Emily,” and felt a surge of frustration. 

“It doesn’t sound like her for sure. I don’t know. I just want to talk to her about it.” He punched the bag again, ripping it from the ceiling. 

“Perhaps Tony would be willing to use some of his more powerful surveillance equipment to help you? You are worried that she is in trouble.”

“I’m worried that SHIELD made her do something, or that she’s protecting me.”

“She is very capable.”

“She is capable. I still want to protect her.”

“You are a loyal friend, Steve Rogers.”

Steve nodded, pulling the tape off his hands. He needed to find Tony. 

~~

Tony’s workshop was incredibly chaotic, as usual. DUM-E was holding a piece of one of the Iron Man suits, while You looked like he was recharging. Tony himself was listening to music on headphones – a habit he’d gotten into while sharing workspace with Bruce – and working on what looked like another Iron Man suit, but it seemed like it would be too small for Tony. 

Steve paid it very little attention. “Tony, you got a minute?” The headphones had come off as Steve had entered the room. Tony recognized the Captain-America-on-a-mission look.

“What’s up, Cap?”

“I’m wondering if I can borrow some of your intelligence gathering abilities?”

“What, no storming the Bastille this time?”

“Give it a rest Tony. I think Emily’s in trouble.”

Tony stilled. Steve looked at him sharply.

“You know what’s going on already, don’t you?” 

Tony stepped closer to Steve. “She asked me, in confidence, to help her with a few things.”

“Like?”

“Like a place to stay, like keeping you off her trail for a little while by not letting JARVIS tell you where she is.” He paused. “Like not telling you now where she is.”

Steve felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. As unbelievable as it might have seemed, she trusted Tony more than him. That’s what it seemed like it came down to. “Is there anything you can tell me?”

“She’s safe. Which I’m assuming she’s already told you, but you don’t believe. But you can believe me. And that I told her to tell you what was going on, but she wasn’t ready yet.” He paused. “She feels like she broke some rules and thinks she needs to pay for what she thinks she’s done.”

“You don’t think she broke the rules?”

Tony cocked an eyebrow at him. “I don’t happen to think that the rules she’s talking about are so important. But, not only has she spent most of the last eight months in close contact with you, she was a lot like you to begin with.”

“What does that mean?” Steve had never heard Tony speak so much and say so little. 

“Try to believe that she’s fine. Try to not go crazy while she’s off getting herself back together.” Pepper’s voice interrupted. She was walking downstairs into the workshop. “I just got the message about the reassignment and figured this was where you’d be.”

“Do you know what this is about, Pepper?”

“I have a good idea. She didn’t tell me directly.”


	10. Chapter 10

Steve managed for just about 36 hours before deciding he would get her location out of Tony if it meant breaking a few rules himself. After careful deliberation, he’d determined that whatever was going on, it had to be something that she had done for him. Something that she wasn’t supposed to. Maybe something he’d asked of her. How often had she been a little hesitant with his requests? Almost never saying no, but sometimes she would consider for a moment before agreeing. How many times had she broken the rules for him? No, he had to see her, put this straight, get her to allow him to take some of the flack that she was clearly taking on his behalf. 

He was going to do something about it. He stood, intending to make his way back to Tony’s workshop, when his phone rang. 

“Pepper, how can I help you?”

“I got permission from Emily to tell you where she is.”

He started moving, finding his leather jacket and grabbing the keys to his motorcycle. “Tell me the location.”

“It’s one of Tony’s older houses – it’s on Long Island, a small beach house. His parents used to use it. It’s too sentimental to get rid of, but he’s not used it in a while. He sent her there.”

“The address?”

She gave him an address, and he was glad for the GPS on his phone. The GPS that Emily had first helped him to use. He sighed. 

~~~

Emily heard the sound of a motorcycle pulling up and felt her inside clench. This was what she knew would happen from the moment she made the decision, from the moment she made her report to HQ. The moment Coulson had told her to make herself scarce. The moment she’d chosen to take Tony’s offer of a safe house, rather than disappear into the woodwork. She was a SHIELD agent. Had there been a need, she could have disappeared and no one would ever find her. 

But she hadn’t. She had made the decision not to. It was a vain hope, but one that Tony had stoked in her with his barbed comments and stilted matchmaking. 

The house was smaller that Steve had expected, even given that Pepper had mentioned that it had been Howard’s. He supposed the house was original, but it looked like they had also purchased the land around it as well. There were no neighboring houses for several miles in either direction. He pulled up to the end of the driveway, realizing that the other car in the driveway was a Stark car. Emily had likely driven herself. He wondered that SHIELD had let her out of their sight if she was really in big trouble. 

He looked at the house and decided she was not inside. The lights were off, and the gate to the back was open. 

She stood, wondering if it would be a cliché if he found her with her eyes on the ocean. It was. She squared her shoulders and turned to face him. Better to go in with your eyes open. He was angry. The lines of his body were all tension and anger. She felt her legs go stiff, as she tried to keep her face from reacting. This was going to be less pleasant than she had hoped for. She had hoped he would be questioning, concerned. She hated dealing with Angry Steve. It often came with Self-Righteous Steve as well. 

“What did you do?” He demanded. 

“Hello, how are you, as well, Captain Rogers.”

His face shuttered at the use of his title. “Look, you ran off with almost no explanation, leaving me with some psychiatrist I haven’t spoken to in my life, without even doing it in person. And then Coulson tells me you’re on the verge of losing your job. Considering that I have been your job for the last eight months I’m assuming that whatever it is that you did has to do with me. Probably something you did for me. Something I asked for, that you did, and now you’re paying for it. So, I ask you again: what did you do?” She could almost imagine him in the Captain America costume – he had brought out every aspect of that persona in his little speech. 

“It was not something I did for you. Or at least, that’s not what got me into trouble.” She paused. “Or rather, why I got myself into trouble.” 

His expression faltered, some of the Captain America persona falling away. “Got yourself into trouble?”

“I was lying to SHIELD. I had to stop. I had to make a choice and I had to stop. My honor and everything it means to me to be an agent.” She paused. “I turned myself in, they started an inquiry. Tony was good enough to give me the old summer house to use.”

“And you gave me a Dear John letter.” He sounded offended again.

“I…” She looked at him. “A Dear John letter implies something that you and I never were, Captain. It was…not my best moment. I should have done it in person, I know. But…sometimes it seemed easier, particularly when I was already doing something difficult, you know?” She looked down. “I’m sorry for that. You didn’t deserve it.” Her voice broke. 

He moved closer to her on impulse. He was just inside her personal space, looking at the top of her head and trying to figure out what to do with his hands. 

“I still don’t understand what happened.” He said, his voice quiet. There was no Captain America in his voice anymore. 

“There are rules. About fraternization. They’re different than in the military, particularly for our department.”

“Can’t we be friends? I know you’re friends with Natasha…did that only start after you were working with her?” He paused. “But how are you supposed to do the work that we did without being friends?”

She looked up at him, her features tight. “Some of what I did was a little unorthodox. It’s how I function and they know that about me. They know that in order for it to really work, there has to be trust and a kind of friendship. That’s not the issue, so much. I think…I think you know that.” She sighed, letting out a breath. He was so close she could smell him, and it was her favorite and worst smell in the world. She was conscious that there were more tears pricking her eyes, and she reached up to wipe it away. “I’m sorry this is so difficult for me to say.” 

He grabbed her hand, wet as it was with her tears. He looked her in the eye. “Whatever it is, you have given me so much. There’s nothing that can change my opinion of you.”

She realized she was shaking a bit. She wanted desperately to step into the warmth he offered and to step away, take her hand back, close herself off. 

“It’s not about the friendship at all.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “It’s the fact that I fell in love with you.” Another tear rolled down her cheek. “I should have put a stop to everything the moment I realized what was going on, but there was so much to do for you – so much I could offer you. And loving you made me want to do it better, more, a lot. All the time.” She caught her breath. “I justified it by saying that it was not hurting you at all. You were getting more of me, even. But it was wrong.”

He had not let go of her hand. He seemed, in fact, to be frozen a little to the spot. “How long?”

She laughed a little. “Feels like forever. In reality, I realized that there might be something going on with me when Darcy came into the picture. Around the time she started dating Peter I realized that I had moved past annoying crush into something deeper.”

Something crystalized for him. “Does Tony know?” His voice was a little sharp.

“Tony guessed. And I didn’t correct him, because very occasionally he was useful. He would help me with something if he thought it would help his ‘cause.’ Most of the time, it meant nothing. He also guessed that I would want to turn myself in. He set this whole thing up for any of the agents if they needed a place to be during an inquiry. But only after he knew what was going on with me.”

“But…why turn yourself in now? Tony would never turn you in – he told me himself that he thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.”

“You know why. That night on the cape was totally unforgiveable. There was nothing ambiguous about it. I might have been off active duty, but the rules still applied, given that you were my case. And I knew that there was no way I could go back.”

He looked at her, realizing possibly for the first time how close they are to one another, and looking like he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“It’s okay, you know.” She said. 

“What is?”

“That you don’t feel the same way. Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss. I just…I’m glad you know now. And you’ve seen me, and you know that I’m safe. I know it’s important to you.”

“Emily, you’re like family to me.”

“Oh, Steve, right in the heart.”

“No, it’s…not like that.” He said, roughly. “I just…I need some time to think about this, okay?”

She nodded. “It’s okay – it’s for the best.” She paused. “My hearing will be in a week or two. They might ask you for evidence. They’ll certainly ask some other people. I want you to give the psychiatrist a real chance. And we can have coffee when this is all over.”

He realized, immediately, something he’d never been able to place. “That’s how you did it?”

“Did what?”

“Dealt with me for all those months. False bravado, giving orders in situations that are just for friends…”

“Possibly. We all have our weaknesses.” She gestured to the house. “Do you need something to drink before you go back?”

“Look, Pepper told me there are six bedrooms in this place. I can stay here and go back in the morning. Maybe you’d want company.”

“No offense, soldier, but if you need to think, keeping me around might not be the most solid way of doing that. Send Natasha. Heck, send Pepper.” He looked like someone had kicked his puppy. “I’m sorry, Steve.”

~~

Her hearing had been a week later. Coulson had talked to him very seriously about whether he should testify. What they needed to know, beyond a doubt, was whether there had ever been anything that wasn’t above board. 

Steve had reluctantly told him about the stolen moments on the deck and by the ocean, and their confrontation just days before. Coulson had made a funny sound in his throat. It wasn’t the kind of sound Steve had heard before.

“Tell me about your sessions.”

“What about them?”

“Anything like that happen during them?”

“Nothing. She said…she might have them recorded?”

He nodded. “There are records. I have someone reviewing them. Someone discrete.” Steve wondered vaguely if it was Maria Hill or Natasha. He hoped it was Natasha. “They want you to testify, you know?” 

He nodded. “I know.”

“Can you do it? Without being obvious?”

“Obvious about what?”

“That you have fallen as head over heels with her as she has with you?”

He paused, looking at the older man, his face full of amusement. “Yeah, I think I can.”

~~

The hearing was suddenly over. 

It had been completely mortifying to listen to the details hashed out in front of the three judges who would decide her fate. Steve testified via videotape, a decidedly less awkward medium than it might have been otherwise. Several of the Avengers had testified on her behalf. Tony had known what was going on. Bruce had guessed. Natasha and Clint had testified that she had been professional with them previously. Darcy had even emphasized how useful Emily had been while she and Steve were dating. 

The judges, however, were inscrutable until the last moment. 

She stood when they reappeared to give their verdict. 

“Agent Emily Willett. The charges leveled against you are two-fold. First, that you harbored feelings and did not report them, and that those feelings may have interfered with your work with your client.   
It is the opinion of this court that you are guilty of the first charge. Your own testimony and those of the others who knew are proof. However, on the much more serious charge of the interference with your work, you are not guilty. The court finds that your charts and interactions are impeccable, and that no one, not even your client, knowing now the truth, thought negatively on your behavior. Indeed, the fact that you turned yourself in, although late, serves well in your favor.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You are welcome. Your services to the client have already been terminated. At no point in the future may you serve him again in that capacity. In addition, you are relieved of duty for one month, and will report for additional training on your return. You will be on probation for twelve months.” 

“You are dismissed, Agent Willett. And may I say that, on behalf of SHIELD, that we are very glad that your oversight was a slight as it was, and that you may stay on board.”

“Thank you, sir.” She waited until the judges left before turning to Coulson. He had his hand out to shake it. 

“Congratulations, Agent. You got some unpaid leave and more training.”

“And the probation. I can’t quite believe it.”

“Well, let’s head outside. I believe there are some people waiting to hear the news.”

“People?”

They stepped outside and saw all the Avengers (drawing their fair share of stares) sitting outside. They jumped up in unison. 

“She was found guilty on the emotions part, but not guilty on letting it affect her work. One month leave, extra training and probation.” Coulson said.

There was a collective whoop. “Okay, celebratory lunch!” Tony yelled, pointing to the direction of the door. “This is much longer than I ever hoped to be in a SHIELD facility!”

Emily stood still, watching Steve at the back of the group. The group left, and he stayed, looking at her with a funny expression on his face. 

“Hey.” He said.

“Hi.” She felt an uncharacteristic blush creeping up her cheeks.

“So, after I testified for Coulson, he told me something.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. He said that he was glad that I could talk about you without letting it be obvious how stupidly in love I am with you.”

“Oh?” Her voice cracked slightly.

“Apparently.” He took a step closer to you, his face inscrutable.

“What did you think about that?” She asked, her voice quiet.

“I thought he had a very excellent point.” He was inches away from her now, clasping her elbows, and lowering his head to her lips. 

“Hey, lovebirds, come on, it’s lunch time!” Tony’s voice echoed down the halls.

They broke apart, smiling at one another. She leaned up and kissed him again, before taking his hand and walking with him towards the group.


End file.
